Tuesday, March 23, 2021
Happy birthday to my twin niece and nephew Mia and Miles today! They are 14 and headed to high school next year – how is that possible? Yes, my sister copied off of me by having twins 5 years after me!
I grew up in the Nancy Reagan “Just Say No” campaign era. Did you? I will be talking about a different topic today, though, than what Nancy was talking about.
I used to say NO a lot of the time…
I was really good about saying no to more than I could handle as a working mom. I wanted to be able to be the best mom I could be and I wanted to be the best teacher I could be, so I can as careful not to take too much on. I did juggle several things and was very busy, but I was good about learning to say, “I appreciate you asking but I am unable to add that to my plate right now” at work. And believe me, teachers are asked to be on committees, sponsor clubs, coach teams, and more. And I did it all for my first four years of teaching and it about killed me!
I also had to say no to social things sometimes by saying, “I would love to, but I just can’t do that right now with my kids at this age and a job that I have to be ready to do!”
Now, I am trying to say YES more…
When my kids got older, I realized it was my time to say “yes” to more things. At work, I became department chair again (I held the position until my boys started kindergarten and I said yes to being room mom and different things at their school) and I said yes to being on the hiring committee for several years. I also started saying yes to more social things like book clubs or spontaneous happy hours and dinners out.
When Coronavirus hit, I knew it was even more important to say yes to anything that I thought was safe! There wasn’t much to say yes to!
In the past, I may have been too rigid about my schedule, but I am learning that saying yes more brings so much happiness to me.
The more you say yes, the more you will be asked. Have you noticed that?
Do you have any friends who always say no and you stop asking? The opposite is true, too!
Saying yes to small things can help you to say yes to bigger things in the future. Maybe we should consider these small yeses as warm ups to bigger ones?
Do any of you always feel like you are the one asking and you never get asked? I think it’s about equal for me. I do half of the asking and get asked the other half of the time. I have talked about this with my sister and a couple of friends. I think there are just naturally those that are the planners in each social circle. Some people just don’t think to invite people but they are happy to be invited. Life is short; don’t get bogged down with who asked whom. Keeping score is exhausting. Put yourself out there and text a friend that you’d like to see them and see what happens.
Also, I should add that we have had different comfort levels during the pandemic. I like to start with, “Are you comfortable going to a patio right now?” or “What is your current comfort level?”
What have you said YES to recently?
What are your thoughts on having a YES mindset?
Do you say NO more often or do you say YES more frequently?
Thank you for saying YES to my blog today!
Amy
Coffee and Cocktails at the Casa 
Oh, it depends… I’m good at saying no to things I don’t have the time and energy for (boards, extra assignments and such things). But I’m like you there – it took a while to realize that you can’t do it all! Me and my husband always say yes if someone wants to do something, but we want to do it as a couple (mostly). Our time is precious!
To conclude; for me it’s more important to say no than to say yes… I say no to boring stuff and yes to social things – mostly.
Interesting topic, thanks!
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I definitely said no much more when my boys were smaller but over the past few years as they’ve gained more and more independence I am definitely saying more yeses. I certainly said yes to just about anything during the pandemic as our comfort level was much higher than most and I was just happy to get out of the house to see anybody doing just about anything!
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Same here! It feels good to say yes more. It took major creative during the pandemic but I think I will look back on it as quality time. We had a lot of outdoor take out at friends’ houses. Low stress and easier to talk than in a restaurant!
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I am so glad you were able to say no when you needed to – having that kind of self awareness is something so many people lack. Many women feel like they have to say yes – especially at work – but in the end it only leads to stress and upset. The gift of being at this stage in life is the ability to say yes and enjoy! Empty nest life has its perks!
xo,
Kellyann
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I agree! I don’t think men have that problem as much because as women we tend to be people pleasers. I also think we feel the need to prove something sometimes. I also don’t feel the need to say yes just because I don’t have kids at home. My work life balance is important no matter what, you know?
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I love this post so much. Honestly, I’m an “included” by nature so sometimes (even at my age), I hate feeling left out. I definitely can relate to the meme about wanting to be asked even if I say no 😂 I know exactly what you mean about school and responsibilities and I’m in the season of life where I want to be there for my kids more than be bogged down at school. Before I had kids, I was co-dept chair, on many committees, and completed one Master’s degree. I tried to plan accordingly before I had my kids (as best I could) I can see where in 5 years, I could add more responsibility on my plate professionally but not now. I love that you are saying yes to so many things!
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Thank you! I know; I like to be included to. Social media has a way of making you feel left out sometimes. I think this is the dilemma of all working moms. Saying no to extra work outside of the home is important in the stage you are in right now. But, say yes to anything fun!
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I’m in target and they have square patio cushions in tan, off white, navy and blue and white stripe. They are probably 18 inch by 18 inch?
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Oh! I need to check that out. I was just at target yesterday 🤪
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They are quite picked over so you might need to look online. The quality looks nice.
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Hi there! I struggle with saying YES too much…….but I have learned the past two years, that’s it is OKAY to say NO to people. I just don’t want to DISAPPOINT people!! I can’t stand that, but I need to do what’s best for me. I’ve learned that in time and age (I am 51).
This is a GREAT topic to discuss, thanks for posting!
I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!
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It’s a common problem, Michelle. I think women might have this thing about saying yes more than men? We are all works in progress so don’t feel bad. I’m glad you are saying no more to the things you don’t want to do but I hope you say yes more to fun!
You are too kind to say this! I enjoy talking about issues like this!
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