Tuesday, March 3, 2026
You either have adult children or you will have adult children, no? I am inspired by mothers a bit ahead of me in this walk. I have parented harder in the last few years than I really thought I would if you want to know the truth. It’s a different sort of parenting. I remember my cousin who is ahead of me in the parenting game by a few years saying she longed for the days of physical rather than mental exhaustion. Have you ever felt that way?
Ok, this might be good! If I find out these movie ads I’m seeing are a hoax I will be upset!
I have 23-year-old twins. They were pretty neck and neck with things in life until senior year of college. Mason studied abroad in England for the first semester of senior year and Jack found himself in an uncomfortable dorm suite situation with three strangers and decided to move home for senior year and commute. I was disappointed but agreed that it made sense.
So, from beginning of senior year until this past September, Jack was at home with us. Mason lived on campus until the end of senior year and then lived at home with us until two weeks ago. Wahhhh! All in all, it was about the same amount of time. There isn’t the stigma with moving back home with your parents that there used to be. In Europe, kids live at home all through college and up until they get married.
Looking back now, we could not have had a puppy without them at home. I was out of the house from 8-4 and unable to come home to let the dog out (Who let the dogs out? The kids, the kids). Tom was out of the house from 7:30-almost 6 and could come home but it wasn’t that easy with about a 20-minute commute. They were able to help us between their two work schedules. I really enjoyed most of that time that they were at home, too. I felt like they had a time of re-connection in their relationship, too.
I feel like Tom and I dabbled in the empty nest world during each of those three years they were on campus. They chose the same liberal arts college in our city but lived on campus. They started at the height of Covid in August of 2020, and Tom and I felt really good about the college’s policies and the fact that they were near if they got sick. This was in the days of mandatory testing, vaccines, mask wearing, etc. Oh, and our kids went to college without driver’s licenses because their lessons got cancelled and the DMV shut down. They drug their feet a bit about starting the permit and license process and then poof their lessons got cancelled and we didn’t know when the DMV would open back up. They did get their licenses the summer after freshman year of college.
Having twins and no other children, we only got one shot and had to divide our attention between two young humans hitting all the milestones together – if that makes sense.
I try to respect my kids’ privacy and don’t share a whole lot here on the blog. Neither of them is active on social media much and I have always said they act more like kids of the 80s. They both love records (especially Mason), comic books, and board games.
They both live here in our city with a roommate each. I think both of them have a good first apartment/house in the “real world” situation. They aren’t great with phone calls, but they text quite a bit.
Jack’s text last week:
So sweet. Forgive the mistakes.
And, this cracked me up. Mason had just moved out:
He was looking for capers to whip up a casual chicken piccata dish in his new place! So Mason!
Tom never thought the college years should be defined as us being “empty nesters”. He said they were still coming home for the summers and breaks and such and that didn’t count. I guess he was right because this feels more permanent even though one or both could end up back here at some point.
I was ready for Jack to move out in September because we had started butting heads about household contributions and I didn’t love how late he would sleep on certain days. It also made me nervous knowing his commitments and what time he was leaving to get places on time. Both of my kids think it’s rude to be early. What the what? I was from a military family that said, “if you are on time, you are late”. It’s so part of my makeup to be early and to allow more time for any place I have to go. Honestly, it improved our relationship greatly for him to move out. He regularly asks about me now and it feels like he has so much more appreciation for us and what we provided.
Mason moving out a couple of weeks ago was harder. He was a big help to me and Eddie Otis and was pleasant and actually wanted to talk and spend time with Tom and I… until about a month ago. We started butting heads and I was doing more parenting than is healthy at this stage. I just couldn’t help myself. He was annoyed with things I was doing (like unloading the dishwasher too early and horrible things like that) and it was really getting old.
So, I am in an adjustment period right now and I have my moments. I feel like the making dinner pressure is off a bit because it’s easy to just cook for Tom and I and I feel like Tom and I can be on our schedule now – we both get up early and go to bed early and don’t have to worry about when anyone is coming home. We don’t have to be as quiet in the kitchen with someone else asleep.
I’m also sad that I don’t have a kid at home to give me that “mothering” purpose.
I miss the younger years with my sweet kids.
I am trying to say things like “let me know what you need help with” when I talk to my kids. I am trying not to use “you should” and “back in my day I did___”. I can still remember how opinionated my parents were with me and that sometimes it really made me feel bad. I would have thoughts that they weren’t proud of me when they said they didn’t agree with my adult decisions.
I will say that the world is not the same today as it was in 1994 when I graduated from college. It just isn’t. It is very, very expensive to have now what I was able to afford at 22. I was able to have an apartment (with a roommate), a car payment on a brand-new car, afford travel, and have a pretty good social life on my first salary of $21, 000. It’s a fine line between being understanding and letting the kids use today’s world as a crutch for why they can’t do something, though.
Since I have twins, when they are together it’s almost as if no one else exists. They have inside jokes and are just really in tune with each other. I try to get them one on one so I can chat with each one separately. I’m hoping to take them out one on one soon. I also like to nurture their bond and I try to give them some money to have fun together every few months. It’s super important to me and I know that has been one of the hardest things for them to go from living together to not living together and having conflicting work schedules.
Anyway…I’m doing ok with my new normal, but I did have my moments as I was getting adjusted and still have my moments.
Amy
Coffee and Cocktails at the Casa 
I don’t think there is a stigma over moving out of parents’ homes anymore because so many kids can not afford it. Around our area lots of families are going back to multi-generational homes and have from the time I pulled the kids out to homeschool. We know at least 3 families that had/have grandparents living with them and splitting expenses.
Taken from AI Overview: “Connecticut housing costs have dramatically outpaced salary growth, with home prices rising roughly 50% from 2019 to 2024, far exceeding wage increases. Renters face a massive gap, with rents increasing 69% in Hartford (2017–2024) while incomes only rose 36%. To comfortably afford a 2-bedroom apartment, CT renters need to earn roughly $75k annually” and while that is specific to CT the rate of rent/mortgage has been outpacing salary increases since long before 2019!
Ian is starting up his own company and pouring his money into that so he’s shared his 10 year plan with us… and I’m not sure he’ll move out before he’s 30 at this rate. He refuses to rent as he sees that as a waste of money. He wants to buy a plot of land and build. The other two boys aren’t as sure but talk of moving overseas a lot… so we’ll see. But my guess is we won’t have an empty nest for awhile. Most young adults I know that have moved out of the house are heavily supplemented by their parents or else their parents are outright paying their rent while the kids complete a masters program or something like that. We’re trying very hard not to do that route.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. It’s different now. CT housing prices are crazy! We are in a low COLA area.
That’s impressive of Ian!
LikeLike
Yeah, CT housing prices are very high. Our cost of living is crazy high; in fact I was jokingly sending Ben photos and prices of houses the whole time I was in North Carolina (not that I want to live in that area but I could not get over how cheap houses were! Plots of land for $45,000, 3 or even 4 bedroom brand new construction houses for around $250,000- 300,000 [you literally can not find any houses that start anywhere near those prices here] and super low taxes too! My parent have a newly built 3 bedroom house and pay 1,300 a year on property taxes… plus their electric bill is like 1/10th of ours!).
LikeLike
Wow! That sounds even cheaper than my area!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love reading your thoughts on this. I guess the college years are kind of gradual release into empty nest years. I can also understand how once they hit true adult years, it’s probably best for everyone to do their own thing. It’s so special they have that bond. My kids go through phases of closeness but I hope that gets better as they get older,
LikeLike
Thank you. I think so – it gets you ready. What I have noticed is that my friends’ kids who get apartments never come home for the summers again. Those leases run like July-July or August.
Mine have hardly any time to spend together with work schedules now but that is also part of the adulting process. It does make me sad and makes me wonder if we will travel together again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel the “countdown “ of only a few spring breaks left but I’m hoping we have some summer vacays left. I get what you are saying!
LikeLike
You will! You will be surprised that what you thought of was the end wasn’t really the end. It’s better than what I thought! Truly!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes! That makes me feel better 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I felt every word of this post. I kind of agree with Tom about not being an empty nester until they’re out of the house after college and getting settled firmly into the world of adulting. I almost read this with a lump in my throat, because I remember the feeling of each kid moving out. It happened every single time, and I might need counseling the day that Jonah that decides to leave. He had been on the verge of moving out when our world fell apart, and then he promised not to leave me alone just yet. I’m so grateful that he’s still here with me! It would be so lonely without him, honestly.
I know all of you will figure out this new normal, and I think you’re doing a great job just by changing your vocabulary with them. I try not to call my sons “boys” or “kids”, but I refer to them as my sons. I bet EO misses Mason.
LikeLike
You will be sad but maybe you will also be ready? Sometimes we surprise ourselves. I am enjoying the mornings alone with Tom leaves for work. I get sad later in the day or the evening usually.
Yes, we will. I also think it’s a gift to get to be an empty nester because some people never will be due to a child with a condition. I have two friends in that boat.
LikeLike
I’ve been thinking about my upcoming empty nest. I have a 10th grader, so two more years with him at home.
LikeLike
We’re true empty nesters but always open to them if they need to come home for some reason. I think we’re used to it now and just enjoy them when they come –and the peace and quiet after they leave. 🙂
LikeLike
My oldest came home for the summers, but my daughter was basically gone from the first day she left. When she came home that last summer after graduation, it was to plan her wedding. My youngest, who we pushed into going to school, commuted. Years later, he said he didn’t have the true college experience. But, that was his choice. He stayed home for a year or so after graduation and has moved in and out a couple of times…once when he had sold his home in West Lafayette. Now, he’s happily living in a cute little 40s or 50s bungalow. Life was different at first. Now, it’s just us and the dog…too quiet and a little boring.
https://marshainthemiddle.com
LikeLike
I have a 23 years old and 18 year old and this stage of parenting is so strange and no one prepares you for it. All the parenting books stop when the kids get to their teen years and now I feel like I am just winging it! My eldest is saving hard to buy her house and at the moment isn’t planning on leaving home anytime soon. I get a taste of an empty nest now and again when my girls are busy with friends and I don’t know if I like it but I am happy they are happy. How interesting to read about the time your boys were on campus during Covid times. To me that seems mad that kids were driving without licences, here all driving lessons and tests just stopped and they’re still playing catch up now. It’s about a 6 month wait to have your driving test. Those text messages are so cute! Thank you for writing this, it’s good to read about others who have gone through the stage of parenting that I will go through soon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just to clarify – they didn’t drive without a license. They had lessons cancelled and the DMV was closed. By the time lessons started again and they were done it was hard to get an appointment due to the backlog.
LikeLike
Hi!
That was a great post, I finally figured out which one is Jack and which one is Mason! It just clicked so thanks!
Me not having kids I can’t relate but I can to over parenting and getting annoyed having to be quiet with my husbands children.
Have a great day!
And thanks for your blogs I look forward to them every single day!
Missy
LikeLike
then they meet that special person and get married and it really is a sweet spot in your life! We love our son in laws sooooo much and have been blessed!! Enjoy the new season of life!!!
LikeLike
This hit me right in my season. I could have wrote so much you did. It is a weird spot and have been in the move in and out situation too. My kids are also not social media kids and very similar to your boys. I LOVE LOVE the texts!!! I get similar ones. 🙂
LikeLike
Your sons have unique perspectives (you could make the argument that almost everyone does…but) with being twins, being super impacted by Covid, going to college in their hometown, the not so good living situation, the study abroad, etc. They’ve lived a lot in their 23 years! I considered youngest in college empty nesting but it certainly isn’t true empty nesting until they move out on their own. We have had a birdie fly back to the nest. It’s been good overall though he’s eating us out of house and home!
LikeLike
I hadn’t really thought about becoming an empty nester for a few years but it is definitely an adjustment as you’ve described. We’ve been true empty nesters now for four years, since our youngest moved out a year after college. I still miss our daughters’ presences every day but Hubby and I have adapted by now to the changes and its definitely our normal now. The real test was when he retired two years ago and we were both home. I missed having the house to myself at times and he seemed to love being together all the time. It was a big transition but now we’ve found a great rhythm that works for us.
LikeLike
I loved every word of this post and could relate to so much. Parenting young adults is so different than I expected. There are many sweet moments and lots of hard times too. Some of the hard moments were just me having to hold my tongue etc. It has probably been a little different since they went so far away to school. I truly treasured the time Grace was home for the summer between college and grad school, and I just learned that Jack will probably be home for about 2 months before he starts his job. It makes me so happy! On a side note, I can’t believe your DMV closed during Covid. Thanks for such an insightful post today!
LikeLike
Oh friend. These transitions with our adult kids are hard at times for sure. My nest is empty empty. It is hard often. Everything changes. But, my daughter will move back home this summer so I will have a roommate then. I am sure that will be another transition time for both of us as we adjust to living together with her being post college.
LikeLike
This was so interesting to read- I am dreading the empty nest years but once I get closer I am sure I will embrace them- have such mixed feelings- sometimes it is a blessing when you start to but heads though right? Makes it a little easier to let go 😉
LikeLike
I think you and I, as well as many of your blog readers, could also sit down and talk for hours about this. Is there really a “right“ thing? I think for every family it’s different…kind of like having a one-income household, so the other parent can stay home with the kids. No “right“ answer…just what is “right” for your family. It’s lucky for you that your boys have stayed in the same city. Our first and second, although still in the state, are far enough away that it is an effort to get together. Luckily, they do make the effort to come to Knoxville when there is a “big“ event, and now that the oldest is married my husband wants to be intentional about going to their city at least once a month to see them. Our oldest daughter has made plans to move to New York City next year, and that is going to be very, very hard. We have gotten a taste of her living far away – for the last two years she has been over three hours away and we have only been to her city once. She would rather come home because she does not like where she is living now. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts and insight on this. It is definitely a stage of life that not many people talk about or seem to have solutions/insight on. Many of us in this boat did it differently then what 20-something’s are doing today.
LikeLike
For sure. No, every family is different but I think it helps to know that your feelings are “normal” as you enter this stage of parenting. That will be hard. So different today for sure.
LikeLike
Like most seasons of parenting I think the empty nest is a process too, both for the parents and the ‘kids’. Most don’t just graduate and go. They slowly move into adulthood and it’s a good thing to have parents as a cushion. The world is harsh. I definitely would have struggled with their appointment/work timing too. It would be hard for me not to remind them of the clock! Although my girls are grown I feel like my nest has never been truly empty. Yes there is a lot of time to fill, but those kids keep bouncing in and out and now they bring kids of their own which is both wonderful and exhausting. I feel like I’m still so much a part of their lives, in a different way of course than the early years, and I feel the same about my own mother’s life too. We’re connected and I understand now that is more a mental/emotional/spiritual thing and not so dependent on geography. Thanks for sharing. This was good.
LikeLike
So true! You will continue to adapt and change and flexibility is key. One of the things I am gaining is a new understanding for my own parents and what they went through with us leaving the nest.
LikeLike