Tuesday, October 14, 2025

I didn’t start my blog until my twins were 16 and they were no longer funny. Just kidding! They were still funny when they weren’t being angsty teens.

For years, our Christmas card was a photo with a typed up sheet of the funny things our twins had said over the past year. We did this from maybe kindergarten until 7th grade and then the following year I did a “best of”. You wouldn’t believe how many comments I got about this. People said they read it to friends and that they waited for it to come in the mail!

So, I thought you might like to hear some of their quotes, too! I might do this a few times because I have so many. They played off of each other, too, as identical twins.

Safety Patrol in 5th grade – I can’t believe they were keeping people safe!

I decided not to attribute names and ages but to just list some quotes:

“If I never learn to tie my shoes, I’ll just let my wife do it.”

While grocery shopping together, “Mom, you know these prices like an owl knows its prey.”

“You’re the best mom ever. I can’t imagine cuddling with those thin moms.”

“You smell like a mom. It smells like mustard and roses.”

“Why does this show need a girl? For the sarcasm. Girls are good at dishing out sarcasm.”

“There are two kinds of people to stay away from – immature and crazy.”

I was taking pictures for the last day of school… “You are half mother half paparazzi.”

I went on circus field trip with their school and I was worried about the safety of the trapeze artists…”Remember this is for the kids.”

While driving by a windmill…”that’s a run of the mill windmill.”

A salesman came to our door…”Ah, khaki pants. The working man’s uniform.”

After shopping at store, I told them to put hand sanitizer on for all the germs from the store from people who touched everything…”especially the blind people germs since they rely on touch.”

Out of the blue…”I feel so sorry for Indians missing out on bacon.”

“I think that guy over there is a school principal based on the bags under his eyes and his receding hair line.”

“Dad’s level of anger has gone up and his hair quality has gone down. I think they are directly related.”

Tom listing all of his teenage jobs…”Wow, Dad, you really couldn’t hold a job.”

Upon arriving at Great Wolf Lodge water park…”I wonder what their water bill is.”

“No offense, Mom, but the left side of your face looks like one of the before pictures of a Neutrogena ad.”

Driving downtown…”So, here we are in the concrete jungle.”

Writing thank you notes…”Dear Aunt Kate, Thank you for the 3D puzzle. My Dad and I already tried it and unfortunately is has an abundance of pieces and minimal instructions. I’m sure we will figure it out eventually.”

“The Bachelor should boot anyone immediately who has their job listed as free spirit because he will have to pay for her.”

Describing a new school friend…”He is a Jehovah’s Witness and he talks about it so much I think he’s trying to convert me.”

Tom takes computer away as a punishment…”Now I’m not going to achieve my dreams. I will just have an office job.”

“Watching Dad work is like watching those lifeguard scenes in movies.”

“That lady has the Jon and Kate Plus 8 rooster haircut circa 2005.”

I said we needed to update their fall wardrobes…”Mom, men don’t have wardrobes.”

Upon arriving at a vacation rental and seeing the front porch…”this is the porch of my dreams but in my dreams it was a little less feminine.”

The bathroom of the vacation rental had fake rock tile…”I guess we’ve really hit rock bottom.”

On circus field trip…”Wow, mom you look younger than the other circus moms.”

“Could you not be a helicopter parent?”

A restaurant hostess sat us next to an aquarium full of live fish at a seafood restaurant…”It’s really cruel that we are sitting here eating their brethren.”

I hope you enjoyed these!

Amy