Tuesday, August 19, 2025
I went through my whole life thinking I was an extrovert but about five years ago I found out there were such people called “introverted extroverts” and “extroverted introverts”. Hmmm. So, now I think I am actually closer to one of those categories, but for the purposes of this post let’s go with…
Amy is an extrovert. Tom is an introvert.
Extroverts by definition: Extroverts are often “social, talkative, optimistic, outgoing, gregarious, friendly, and willing to take risks,” says Nancy Colier, psychotherapist, public speaker, and author of The Emotionally Exhausted Woman. Unlike introverts, when they are going through a problem or issue, “they are more inclined to talk it out with others than internalize and keep it inward,” says Astley. “They easily express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions and are action-oriented.”
With that said, being an extrovert may have its costs in many scenarios. For example, “Since extroverts are fast processors, they may unintentionally say embarrassing things that result in a need for relational repair,” says Charnin.
Um, that is exactly me. I have always loved being the center of attention. I am usually not nervous in social situations or when I have to do public speaking. You know how I am feeling and I talk out my problems with people. And, I have processed too quickly and stuck my foot in my mouth a lot.
Introverts by definition: Introverts are often misunderstood and are experienced as being shy, antisocial, and self-centered,” says Astley. “In actuality, introverts do not fear people or socializing with people; rather, they prefer to limit their interactional time and enjoy intimate gathering over large ones.”
…since introverts are so aware of their inner world, they have a great capacity to speak with thoughtful intention, which can be beneficial for honing relationships. When it comes to making decisions, introverts tend to “focus on their internal thoughts and feelings rather than external forces,” says Astley. This is why they are known to be quieter than extroverts. Instead of talking things out with another person, they prefer to spend time alone to come to their own conclusions. “One of their many strengths is that introverts make great active listeners,” says Astley.
Umm, that is exactly Tom. He is better one on one and he can talk your ear off if the situation and his mood is right. The most common thing I have heard about Tom is that people were shocked when his personality didn’t match how he first appeared. He is misunderstood sometimes.
I want to credit this article for the above definitions and it’s a good one if you want to delve more deeply into this topic.
I love taking pictures and Tom does not. I love when people know it’s my birthday and Tom does not.
Why is it important to understand your partner’s personality type? I would say it’s also important to know and understand this about your parents, siblings, kids, co-workers, etc. I think we can take things personally if we misunderstand someone.
I have wanted Tom to make quicker decisions in the past and now I realize he needs time to process things. I have mistaken his personality for his feelings towards me in the past.
I worked with an extreme introvert. I found out she was really funny on text message or on Instagram DMs, but you would not know that if you only interacted with her in person. She wasn’t going to walk down to my room and chat, but she liked to “talk” in other forms. I think understanding her was beneficial to my work relationship with her.
That is also some food for thought. Are we more extroverted around certain people and more introverted around others? We have all met people where the conversation feels natural and we just jibe and we have all met people where it felt like pulling teeth and there were awkward silences, no?
Do you believe opposites attract? I kind of do. I think we can complement each other when we have different strengths. I know for a fact that Tom has helped me slow down, not be too wordy, be more patient, and much more. I think I have helped him to make decisions, take more risks and to be more social.
What we have in common: We are both the first borns in our families of origin. We both have a strong work ethic. We are both frugal and practical. We are routine-oriented. We both love learning new things. We are both interested in other countries and cultures. We have the same sense of humor and make each other laugh.
Tom loves tv. He seriously loves it. I prefer reading even though I do also enjoy tv. I can usually read in the same room so we are spending time together. If Tom is home, the tv is usually on. I don’t turn tv on during the day very much at all.
Tom gets all the socializing he needs at work. He goes to lunch everyday because he needs to get out of the office and this becomes social time as he always takes some guys with him. He knows I need to go out to dinner to get a break from cooking about once a week. He knows I need to be social sometimes. It’s not that he doesn’t value our friendships, but he just doesn’t need to be as social as I do.
I would like to make sure I do something social alone once or twice a week so that I can respect his need to be at home and not socializing. We’ve generally done pretty well with this.
He doesn’t get home until almost 6:00 on the weeknights and then his bestie Eddie Otis needs lots of attention. So, going out on weeknights just isn’t in the cards for Tom in this season. But, he is happy to go out on the weekend and he is fine if it’s just he and I.
The thing is…we really aren’t that different. I like to be home and showered and in my pjs early and go to bed on the early side so I feel my best. I want to eat mostly at home and like to cook.
Are you interested in this topic? Would you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert? If you have a partner, are you opposites?
Amy
Coffee and Cocktails at the Casa 
I’m a classic introvert- there’s no “extra” to add to my vert, lol. Though I don’t shy away from saying I’m shy. While I find the subject of personalities interesting, I don’t put too much stock in over analyzing and internalizing too much. Some people don’t like to talk much and be around others and some people do. Shy and outgoing are fine designations to me :). My husband and I have comparable personalities which works very well for us. While neither one of us is outgoing, we’re both friendly (I think…) so we make friends easily and like to spend time around friends. But we also love to be at home and with each other so that works out well, too. We have differences- I could live contentedly without a TV but my husband likes to watch it so I’ll watch things with him. He’s super talented musically and I love to hear him play, though we have very different music tastes. And he doesn’t “get” my picture taking but he puts up with it and doesn’t mind when I buy photo related things so it’s all good!!
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There’s no extra in your “vert”! I didn’t find you to be shy at all on the bloggers retreat! But, like you said, you and Donnie do have lots of friends and are friendly people.
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I can totally relate to this! In fact you were describing me at the start for sure. My husband is most definitely an introvert and over the years I have become a little more of an introvert. But I think it has more to do with craving peace and realizing how I want to spend my time.
I loved this post Amy!!!
xo,
Kellyann
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Yes! I can see that from what I know of you and Brian. I agree that I have maybe toned down as I age. I agree with that – craving peace, a little more silence, and crafting my own flow to my days.
Thank you!
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I tend to be more of an introvert but so is my husband so that works well for us. I much prefer small groups if I’m going to socialize and dread large parties or gatherings.
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That is good! I do prefer small groups, too, and in recent years I have embraced the one friend at a time thing. It’s so hard to make more than 2 schedules coordinate!
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This was well written. Thanks
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Thank you!
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While I do know that I am an introvert, I am an extroverted introvert. I really do enjoy being around large groups of people sometimes, and I’m never afraid to be in the center of attention. That being said, I process things slowly and will always prefer a smaller, more intimate group setting than a large one. I’m recharged by being alone, or I used to be. I think I’m slowly getting back to that…I hope so, at least. I did this yesterday and it felt wonderful! I just sat in front of the TV on the couch all night and did stuff for my blog this week. It was my one night at home this week; the other nights are full! Well…Thursday may be spent at home as well, but I’d been talking to someone about doing something. This was fun to read! I like how you and Tom work.
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That was another thought I almost wrote about – can people change from extrovert to introvert or vice versa due to aging or life circumstance?
I don’t know.
I’m glad you are getting into this rhythm. I feel like even if you do go out you will have some in between time between work and doing that to recharge or change modes from work to social. Newly single people kind of get pushed into more of an extrovert role, I think.
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Great post! I have heard that an extroverted introvert gets their energy from being around people but loves to be alone too. I think I’m an introverted extrovert – I get energized being alone, but mostly WANT people around. IDK if that is right. . .but I think most of us have some of both in us, right?
You and your Tom and my Tom and me sound a lot alike. We do complement each other. Many times, if someone meets me and gets to know me than meets Tom it is confusing because he’s so quiet, in the background, and doesn’t really like crowds. But once they get to know him I will be asked, if I come alone to something, “where’s Tom?” – so he makes his mark :). And I think people, in general, like him more. He’s more common sense, quick-witted, and easy-going. I appreciate all that about him!
I think relationships DO need to balance each other – an anchor and someone trying to pull up the anchor – ha!
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That does sound like us! My Tom keeps people wanting more! Lol! I agree – a good relationship should bring out the best in each person and should complement the other while maintaining each persons’ true personality?
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Hi Amy!
This was a great post! My husband is exactly the same way as you and Tom! We have learned from each other if we are sitting at a bar having a drink, I will start talking to other people, he used to just shake his head, now he joins in. He has taught me to slow down, and the big one is not everyone needs to know all your business. It has come to bite me in the ass with his family!
Have a great day!
Missy
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My fella is an extrovert and I am more of an introvert. I think it is a case that opposites attract with us and it works.
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I’m an introvert in that I really hate crowds and large parties/gatherings, and I’d much rather be in a small group of people I know well. Even then, I tend to listen more than I talk.
But I had no problems at all being on the radio and speaking on behalf of the radio station at large events in front of a crowd. Just as long as I didn’t have to talk to strangers one-on-one.
I don’t get me sometimes.
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I do–I love this topic because I think it helps people understand each other so much better. I have a friend who is very extroverted and could never figure out introverts, as a whole, and said she spent a lot of time thinking that a lot of people were just rude until she learned about the differences between extroverts and introverts.
I have read definitions of the two as coming down to the source of one’s energy. My husband loves being around people and gets energized by that. I, on the other hand, while being around people is fine if the circumstances are of my choosing, get tired and need to recharge by being alone. If I don’t get enough alone time, I can tell. Everything is harder! And I definitely believe opposites attract. We fill in each other’s gaps and stretch each other, but I also believe we are attracted to things in our spouses that are so unlike ourselves.
I learned a lot about introverts and extroverts from the Meyers-Briggs typology inventory, based on the work of Carl Jung, and it has helped me understand myself and people SO much better. There’s a simplified version of it at 16personalities.com that you might enjoy.
Visiting from the Talking About it Tuesday linkup.
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My mom used to introduce me as “This is Marshashe’sshy.” I almost thought she’s shy was my middle name. I know now that I’m an extroverted introvert. I don’t like the idea of going somewhere, but once I’m there, I’m usually ok. But, I also can blend into the wallpaper if I don’t know anyone. My husband is…I have no idea! I think he trends more introverted but can be the life of the party if it’s people he knows.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
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This was so informative! I have heard that the definition of extrovert/introvert is based on where you get “recharged.” An introvert may do well in social situations, but needs time alone to recharge their energy level. An extrovert can spend time alone, but gets energized by socializing. I think I am an “extroverted introvert.” I do like socializing, but generally in smaller groups and shorter time periods. Michael is probably this way too. He often says he feels awkward in social situations, but I tell him I would never know that! What a fun topic!
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What a great post, such a thought-provoking topic! Enjoyed learning about the difference in your personalities and how you make that work day-to-day. Much like someone said above, I enjoy going out and being social, but definitely need that alone time to recharge. It gets to the point where there is nothing left to give, ha. My husband, on the other hand, gets energized by social activities and could go out every night. Also, I hate being the center of attention and would prefer my birthday to largely go unnoticed. But if you met me at a party, you wouldn’t necessarily glean all of this (I don’t think??). So much to say about this, very interesting.
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Great topic! On the whole, I’m more of an extrovert while Vic is an introvert so we’re definitely opposites in that regard but we’re also both extroverted introverts in that we are not really bothered about going out somewhere, but once we’re there, we really have a good time. Does that make sense?
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We’re the same! AND both my boys are introverts too – so it’s been a learning curve to make sure everyone gets what they need. I read the book Quiet (recommended by an introvert mom 😉 when my kids were in late elementary – it really helped me understand them (and stop saying yes to the daily playdates!)
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I’m an extroverted introvert married to a 110% extrovert. He definitely pulls me out of my comfort zone on a regular basis and I help him see the need to pause before leaping on occasion. I think opposites in temperament are a win in marriage as long as you’re aligned on the key issues.
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I loved reading this!! So interesting. I’m definitely an introvert. I need time to process and I think that’s why I struggle making quick decisions. Travis is definitely more of an extrovert but really only compared to me being an introvert. He’s outgoing enough but definitely lowkey. I do think it’s important to understand personality types in order to build and maintain relationships.
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This is so interesting! I’m definitely the more extroverted in our marriage and my hubby is the introvert (although I think I’m probably an extroverted introvert). I was just thinking about this today because our youngest, like my husband, is an introvert and she has been learning how to navigate relationships, work and her social life accordingly. Our other daughter is married to a true extrovert and it’s fun to watch him in social settings!
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I am certainly an introvert right now but I can do well with others. I like having things to do, but I don’t need other people around to do things. I have definitely become more introverted since having kids bc it’s more work to leave the house. As a younger person, I was more extroverted!
Scott is whatever the opposite of extroverted is ha ha. And it’s a LOT of work for me in social settings then, if that makes sense. Wells is a true extrovert. I’m not sure about Sutton yet.
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This was fascinating to read-same story here 🙂
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It is so awesome that you and your husband respect and honor your differences!
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This was such a great topic! Made me realize I am an extrovert want to be living in an introvert body and my husband is opposite. I get us out exploring and love to chit chat and he thinks FOREVER about stuff.
My best friends husband is like Tom and I will never forget one time saying wow you are actually funny!
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Thank you!
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