Tuesday, July 29, 2025
These are opinions based on 31 years of teaching high school and getting my own kids through all the grades and college. I’m not going to be all nicey nice and mince words here.
-Please print out and hang the school calendar. It really hurts your kids when they have to miss school. I know it limits you for vacations and appointments but trust me when I say that kids complained to me about it all the time. It is extremely hard to get caught up.
-Go to the open house or the orientation or the curriculum night or whatever the heck they call it. It’s important. You have so little ability to see what your kids do during the majority of their time away from you and who they spend their time with.
-Watch the negative talk in front of your kids. Remember they want to vent to you sometimes (you are their safe space) and your job is sometimes just to listen. Many kids work out their own problems through speaking them out loud. It’s easy to go all “mama bear” on a situation, but trust when I say there is more than likely another side to the story. Don’t say school policies are stupid. You know who repeats that at school – your kid!
-Assume that your child’s teachers, counselors, administration have the best intentions. Be kind. Don’t be rude. You catch more flies with honey as they say. And, please don’t get mad at them for a deadline that you missed or something you didn’t read. If you have multiple kids at multiple schools this is really hard. Please ask your partner if you have one to take on one kid or two kids or whatever. They would get the emails and are the point person.
-You won’t like every policy or decision, but try to think of positive things to say instead like “that is so cool you get to take pathway classes to see if you want to go into the medical fields. I didn’t have that opportunity”. Remember just how many diverse learners are in a school and some policies were probably made for a good reason. That doesn’t mean it’s not ok to advocate for your kid. Let your kid advocate for themselves when they can. It’s ok to ask if a kid can take a class as a junior instead of as a senior but there might be a reason why it won’t work.
-Just buy the supplies that the school asks for. If you can afford it, then there is no reason to be a rebel or to complain. It just hurts your kid.
-Think about starting a tradition. Maybe Grandma or Aunt or Uncle or… you get my drift – would love to buy the fresh sneakers, the backpack, the first day ‘fit. Do make back to school an important milestone. The kids may act like it’s stupid, but they will probably like it. You can set a budget and you don’t have to spend a ton of money. It even helped me get excited as a teacher to have a new dress or something new to wear.
-Whatever the school policy is on social media/cell phones, yours should be as strict or even more strict. I do not think it’s out of line to ask your kid to show you before they post something and ask “what is your intention?” in posting this. You are the parent. Society is not your child’s parent. I told my kids I better never hear that they were on their phones in class or they would lose it. We were able to hold off on phones until sophomore year so they had a little more maturity by that point.
-Let your kids do as many things for themselves as they can. They should be labeling their own notebooks, etc. I had a high school junior in class with mommy’s handwriting all over his folders. They should be packing their own backpack as soon as they can. They can do so much more than we think in this generation of extreme hands on parenting. And, aren’t you busy? They can go to the office, ask questions, keep their own calendar, and so much more.
-Start working on a better bedtime about a week before school starts. If your kid is a new driver, have them practice leaving the house at the time they think they would leave and clock it. Now, you need to add some time for school traffic. Have them think about if they will shower at night or in the morning and how long it will take. Think about timing it. They should do as much at night as possible to make the mornings run smoothly. As my kids got older I started saying things like, “what do you need help with?” or “let me know what you need help with”.
-Sleep is the most important thing to the success of your kid! They must get adequate rest. I also think nutrition plays a huge role in how they feel, too. Most kids are using refillable water bottles and are the most hydrated generation to walk the Earth. I like the leak proof that fit in the side pocket of the backpack. Check school policies regarding this, of course. In addition to breakfast before they leave or in the car (sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do), I like the idea of a high schooler taking a protein or granola bar in their backpack to have mid-morning. Again, check the school rules or ask your kid to check the rules. At my school, kids didn’t use lockers and were allowed to walk around with giant backpacks the whole day long.
-I hate the headphones around the neck trend or when kids have Airpods in at school. I think schools should be strict against this. I would have kids wear their big ol’ headphones and I would greet them at the door and they would remove one ear and say “what?” I pleasantly responded that they only get one “hola” from me. I will not repeat my “hola” because you were listening to something besides me! Come on! Do you really need to listen to four minutes of music in your in-between passing time? This is time to greet your teacher, talk to a classmate, and prepare to learn in your next class.
-I also think having expensive headphones or other audio equipment out at school is a recipe for dropping them, losing them, or sadly sometimes getting them stolen because you have advertised the expensive equipment you own. We seriously have parents drop off the headphones at the front office because their kid forgot them. Uh, no.
-My school didn’t have a policy against pajamas and blankets. You wear pajamas to school and bring a blanket you bring pj/blanket energy to your education. No. Just no. Even if your school does not have a uniform, you as a parent can designate what is a school outfit -what are school clothes. You save your crochet halter top for the weekends, umkay?
-Do not believe the stuff you hear like “her mom is letting her”, “NO ONE is in class today – can I sign out?”, etc. It’s rarely true. And, you can always use that extra time to do homework, go to the library, read a book, get help from the teacher, etc. Attendance is made to feel like a choice these days and it is absolutely not. You should be in school unless you are sick or have an emergency. I will allow a college visit, too, but do look at that calendar.
-Check your kids’ grades on the portal. Figure out how to use it. Also check their attendance on the portal. Just because you saw Johnny leave for school does not mean he went to school. Just because you dropped off Jane doesn’t mean she actually went in the school building. I’ve had some uncomfortable phone calls.
As you can tell, I am quite opinionated when it comes to this topic. Parenting is the hardest job you will ever have. I get it. But, putting in the work at the beginning of the school year really does pay off.
I also don’t believe in being your kids’ friend. You are the parent. They hopefully have enough friends. They only have one or two parents. Kids want to be parented. They want boundaries. You will have to develop a thick skin during the high school years. I remember thinking I needed self-esteem workshops for myself because sometimes I was the worst, so mean, so strict, so this and so that. But, you will come out on the other side.
What have I forgotten? What questions do you have for me? Feel free to email me at amywscott0@gmail.com if it is something personal. I am happy to try to help!
Amy
Coffee and Cocktails at the Casa 
Well said Amy! It all needed to be said and needs to be followed!
xo,
Kellyann
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Haha – thank you!
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I often state my unpopular opinion that kids have too much power in 2025 lol. God gave us parents for a reason. I whole heartedly agree kids not only need boundaries, but they want them and often bad behavior is their way of saying tell me where to stop. Maybe you should get a new ‘not going back to school’ outfit to celebrate : )
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Amen, sista!
Oh, Joyce, that is the best advice I have gotten all week. I love a shopping enabler friend!
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I wholeheartedly agree with all of this! I need an adult version of this, though, as part of the faculty. I know you have so many tips and tricks…I need to just go back and read some of your old posts again. Happy Tuesday, friend!
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Oooh good idea – how to work in a school?
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Awesome advice Amy! I am on Powerschool (our portal) multiple times a day..I can hear my girls groaning now- ha!
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lol! Love it.
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As someone whose kids are finished with school and who has some experience in a school setting (albeit not high school), I agree with almost all of this. Sadly, I don’t think the assumption can be made the teachers, counselors and/or administrators have the best intentions. From groomers to coaches of high school sport team who also get a paycheck to teach to those who promote groupthink and punish critical thinkers, I believe there are “problematic” school employees and it’s such a shame. I think the majority have the best interest of students but not nearly all. Agree that students should start doing as many things for themselves as they can. And heavens no to pajamas; it’s now our district’s policy that pj’s are acceptable attire. Ugh! Enjoy the back to school season where you aren’t going back to school!!
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I guess I meant to start out with the assumption that they have the best intentions. Yes, that does happen, sadly. I just don’t like when someone comes in super defensive. Maybe that comes from past history.
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This is fantastic advice.
Now my girl is older I have very little to do with her education so I do take advantage of all the open evenings and events just to see what’s going on at college.
There needs to be a policy against pajamas. lol My youngest went a couple of times last year, during the winter in her pj’s and I was livid. It’s just respectful to wear real clothes.
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Amen! So gross that some kids then wear them to bed again. So many germs!
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Hi Amy!
I don’t have kids and I am not a teacher, But, that was a BAD ASS POST! I hear so many stories about parents, incredible!
Have a good one!
Missy
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Well thank you! All of us as a society should be invested in my opinion.
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And all the teachers said, “Amen.”
You are spot on with all of this!
I think we have a new cell phone policy this year…don’t know the details but I’m interested for sure…we need a school wide policy to make it easier on all of us.
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Yes, yes, yes!!! These are all the things parents need to know and do! I’ll have to tell my daughter the one about driving as this is Amelia’s first year driving. I know they’ve practiced the route, but I wonder if they’ve timed it. And with about 4,000 kids…that’s a lot of traffic! This needs to be printed somewhere and sent to parents all over!
https://marshainthemiddle.com
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This is all great advice, and definitely something relatable having two teens. I’m curious on your insight on something. My younger child is starting 9th grade, very social, easily distracted, a lot different from my older one, who’s more naturally studious and mature. Based on your experience, what do you think is most important for kids like my younger one to succeed in high school?
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I would say I am so glad you are so good with people and I think that will serve you well. Remember that learning is the first priority and social stuff comes second. If you get to choose your seat in class, sit in the front to send the message to the teacher that you are focused and it will also help you. Don’t be afraid to tell your friends to tell you later and not in class.
Don’t compare her to her older sibling. Hopefully the teachers won’t either. Teach her to greet and make small talk with teachers before class starts since she has that skill.
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This was an awesome post, Amy! Some great reminders here. I have 3 in 3 different schools (like it has been since the last one started school) and one in college. We are starting our back to school night routine this week to get used to going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. Thankfully I have a couple years till the next one drives but that also means I am driving them to school. One is trying the middle school bus before he decides whether I drop him off (mornings are way faster than pick up!). I’ve already started writing things on the calendar and school hasn’t started: my mom’s appointments and XC practices!
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
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All of these seem like such “no brainers” to me and it’s crazy how many kids/parents just don’t seem to get it!
We always celebrated the public kids going back to school with a not back to school beach day with all our homeschooling friends. We spent the whole month of September enjoying museums, aquariums, zoos, etc. with low crowds since schools don’t really have time to throw field trips together that quickly. It was also the month we took the most family vacations too! So back to school time became our favorite way celebrate not heading back to school ourselves.
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I want to first, thank you for this wonderful post. Second, I want to shout everything you said from the rooftops (and I’m a nurse, not a teacher, but will ALWAYS give my kids’ teachers the benefit of the doubt!) Lastly, thank you for all your years of dedicated service to the future of America!
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Aww, thank you! And, thank you for your dedication to nursing!
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I wholeheartedly agree with these. I always loved back to school season, as a student, teacher and then parent. Now it is not as big of a deal. J will not even be going back to school for fall because he has an internship. I just saw that our school district has banned all phones, headphones, and smart watches on campus. In the past few years, kids could access them in hallways or cafeteria. Now they are completely banned. It will be a welcome change. When I was volunteering at lunchtime, there would be entire tables just staring at their phones with no interaction. I like Joyce’s idea of a “not going back to school” outfit. 🙂
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oh how I will miss your school posts. More parents should read your straight up advice! I do worry how many of these kids will function in the real world and especially at a real job.
You will find this interesting. Just had a discussion with my niece and nephew (13 & 16). They are the only 2 who actually stand and say the pledge in class. Since it is option most kids sit and do whatever kids do, hopefully phones and headphones aren’t allowed durning this time
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I’m sorry and thank you! Maybe my friends will let me tell stories! I do, too.
I am not surprised. I always stood and put my hand over my heart but some years no one stood. They did have to be quiet.
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YES! YES! and YES!!! You’ve shared so many important pieces of advice and, I have to say, many of these points applied to my world as a kindergarten teacher! I’d always share that if parents could establish some good routines and expectations early on they would become second nature and so much easier to maintain! Great advice, Amy!
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Thank you.
So true.
Parenting is no fun at times, but I think it will pay off in the long run. Fingers crossed!
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