Tuesday, February 11, 2025
My sister Kate stopped at Starbuck’s on her way to work yesterday and look what was on her cup…
Is this a sign? Signs are all around us if we are open to receive them according to the book I’ve been reading.
Both Kate and Molly had to go back to their teaching jobs yesterday. I had the privilege of online school from home due to widespread illness. I hate that we have so many sick but it was a nice way to ease back in for me.
Both Kate and Molly have become disgruntled with teaching and they are both in the elementary setting. I get it and I agree with them – maybe it’s because I am an elective in a high school and because I have been teaching for longer, but I am much happier in my job than they are. We had so many former students of my mom’s talk about her at the visitation and the funeral and this was Kate’s quote:
“Maybe this will reinvigorate my teaching after hearing all the nice things said about mom”.
What if? Wouldn’t that be nice because both sisters have so many years of teaching left before they can retire.
I have a suspicion that all three of us just put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be more than average teachers. My Dad always said that our 50% was someone else’s 100%. Yes, he was biased. He was thrilled that we were all teachers. I’m not sure why but he really loved this. He wanted us to have families, too, and I think he thought it was family friendly. It’s very family friendly in the summer!
I sent this book to each of them and I hope they get the comfort I have gotten.
At the start of our preparations together from the day after my mom passed I was using the word “gauche” and my sisters made fun of it. So, after that everything became “gauche”. I was using it to mean “tacky”.
So, this may be gauche to tell you, but we had a meeting with my mom’s financial planner and we had been hearing about him for years. My mom always said, “Nicholas says” I can buy this, spend this”. So, during our meeting we told Nicholas this and said we needed to make t-shirts that said that. The most recent “Nicholas says” was about which pie to pick out for Thanksgiving. My mom would group text us while we were teaching or very late at night. It became a family joke. My mom would text, “Nicholas says he will give me pumpkin, pecan, apple, or cherry. I need to know right now so I can tell him'”. My mom also liked to say she needed things RIGHT NOW and we channeled her RIGHT NOW energy so often over the past two weeks. We didn’t care which pie she picked, but she wanted us to be the ones to decide.
Nicholas brought us a homemade cheesecake with homemade vanilla the day after our meeting and the day of the visitation:
Maybe this is why my mom loved and trusted Nicholas so much. Does your financial planner make homemade vanilla and homemade cheesecake?
Food is always appreciated. Please bring it in a disposable container as Nicholas did. We did have to return a couple of things to people but it was ok. We couldn’t believe the stuff people brought us. We didn’t have to think about food once.
I have a very funny family and our family has funny friends. I think I place too high of a value on humor but I was born this way. My Dad thought everything I said was either funny or brilliant. I can assure that is not the case. So, both of my parents were funny, my sisters and I laugh so much together, and we have a new generation of funny kids – my kids are super funny and especially the teen nieces are really becoming funny. We also try to find the humor in everything and we make fun of too many things, I am sure.
A couple of stories…
We displayed several pieces of my mom’s art in the funeral home. During the receiving line of the visitation, a lady we have never met before was trying to make us a deal on buying some art work we had displayed. Molly said she said, “How does one go about purchasing a piece?” This ain’t no art gallery, lady! Gauche.
A lady slipped me an envelope at the funeral – like right before the service in the church.. I read it about 24 hours later and it said, “I recently paid your mom money for a trip we were going to take so if you could call the travel company and get the money back and send it to___ that would be appreciated. I am sorry you have to deal with this and with your loss”. I said maybe she needed the money and Heather said to at least wait until the day after the funeral. Gauche.
A few people in the receiving line asked us for details of how exactly our mom passed away. Gauche.
We realize that some of these people are old and they just say whatever.
People have been really kind, though. People in our hometown and people on the phone have been so nice and helpful.
I generally still think there are good people in the world.
I was not really sure where this was going but come back tomorrow for non-funeral content. I promise.
Not trying to be gauche,
Amy
Coffee and Cocktails at the Casa 
Yep those are all pretty cringe; but I have my own story to share with you…. where I was the one that misspoke!
It was years and years ago and I still remember and I still cringe. A little back story: my husband had a group of guys he went 4 wheeling with and I was sitting outside one day with Ian on a blanket as a baby and this group of friends pulled up on their 4 wheelers after their ride and it turns out one of the guys had his son with him who I had taught in 4th grade just a couple of years earlier. So we got to know this family real well but the son died in a motorcycle crash in high school. It was SO sad. We show up at the funeral home to pay our respects and head through the receiving line and it turns out his grandmother was a lovely lady I used to dance with I was in high school (I joined an adult tap class). I hadn’t seen her in years and not even thinking about where we were or why– just that I was excited to see her– I gushed “how are you doing?” All happy like. As if we weren’t at her grandson’s funeral! She handled it rather well but gently put me in place. Years later I still think of that moment and shake my head.
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I know I have also done that in an effort to be friendly and forgetting to read the room. I have also said some other horrible things in an effort to give a compliment. I have a friend with special needs child and i said something like I can’t imagine better parents for this to happen to – meaning they would find resources. It came out all kinds of wrong.
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OMG the note about the travel money??? GAUCHE for sure.
I feel for your sisters and not being happy in education. I think it’s also really important to remember that it’s not a life sentence and if they are really unhappy they can do something else (and I don’t mean that in a mean way). I have known a few who have left – some stayed gone and one came back and it was refreshing for her. She realized how no job was perfect and being a music teacher wasn’t so bad. Elementary can be so challenging because of behaviors and parents – they are way more involved in elementary. I just think it’s never too late for a reset and since we spend so much time at work we have to find a way to be happy.
I hope you don’t find what I said offensive – I promise I didn’t mean it that way!
xo,
Kellyann
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Not offended at all. I think we all have a grass is greener mentality and sometimes we really do forget our why. lol. I hate when admin say that. The kids are your why and the other stuff should roll off our backs.
They are both great teachers! They are super creative. They are just letting parents and kid behaviors take over their brain space.
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People never cease to amaze me at what they say/ask. I experienced this when Dad died, and also everyday of my life when nosy people ask me about what happened in my marriage. I want to tell them to shut up, but it would be frowned upon in my work/church setting. 🤣 GAUCHE! I love that very French word, and that you use it regularly. I’m so glad you’re back to writing! I’ve missed you.
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I am not sure I used the word until 2 weeks ago. Not sure where it came from?
People be nosy, don’t they? I am sure I have been nosy, too. The only thing is that I am grateful it provided laughter for my sisters and I!
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That’s so sweet /cute that she had such a great relationship with Nicholas…& the cheesecake… yum.
Those stories. Oh my! I’m thankful for my sense of humor most of the time. That’s a good point about funny family, kids, friends. I’m a mix of both my parents’ humor and my kids are both funny in different ways.
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I was trying to comment from my phone, but I couldn’t other than that weird I. I am sure your sisters appreciate your thoughtfulness. I think the financial planner sounds like a wonderful person. So, did you and your sisters get matching shirts? If not, what a fun birthday/Christmas gift for them. I cannot believe the things said to you at your mom’s funeral…definitely gauche! I hope I don’t become an old lady like that. it makes you wonder if people just think they have to say something, anything at all, at funerals and viewings. I think you should continue to write about this as long as you need to do so.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
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Oh my word! Those stories! Meanwhile, at least there was a great financial planner in the family and the cheesecake looks delicious!
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I’m so sad to hear that your sisters feel deflated in their teaching roles these days but I totally get it! Since retiring four years ago, I often hear the same message from former colleagues who are still in the classroom and feel their energy and passion for the kids and their profession being compromised in so many ways. P.S. Your mom’s financial planner sounds like a keeper!
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