Tuesday, September 24, 2024
I know so many of you out there are like me and want to offer your friends support when they are going through a rough time.
I have a couple of friends going through it right now and thus this post was born.
My best advice is to not overthink it. Just do something. For years I overthought it.
I have always thought I was awkward in these moments. I say too much. I say the wrong thing.
I try to think of the things people have done for me and how special and loved I felt.
Here are some suggestions and I would love to hear yours, too.
A text – it can be as simple as “I’m thinking of you” and “Don’t feel like you have to respond, but just wanted to reach out”
A card in the mail – it is so rare to get mail like this and I think this can be a great thing
A card and a candle – most of us love a candle
A plant – same!
A breakfast basket or bag – sometimes breakfast food is overlooked but your people still need to eat breakfast. No place is better than Trader Joe’s for this. A pack of croissants, crumpets, a breakfast pastry like a kringle, and some fruit.
If they have school age kids, I think some individually packaged breakfast, lunch, or snack items would be very thoughtful.
A lunch basket or bag – If you know someone is there to answer the door and not have it sit out for too long – a loaf of bread (maybe a nicer deli loaf), some deli meats and cheeses, some chips, and some fruit (this can get pricey with the meats and cheeses)
Warm cookies
Cold cookies
Crumbl cookies – my friend wrote a sweet message in Sharpie on the outside of the box
Really can you go wrong with cookies?
A very specific offer:
“Can I let your dog out/walk your dog?”
“Can I pick up kid for you?”
I think sometimes “let me know if you need anything” can be too vague so picking a specific thing can be really helpful.
Other things I think are helpful:
“I’m here if you feel like talking”
“I can take you out for a happy hour if you need to get out”
I gave one friend a card and a fall candle and the other a bag of fall goodies/snacks from Trader Joe’s and Target. I had a Mrs. Meyer’s soap and breakfast things from Trader Joe’s along with some maple kettle corn. I had the really good popcorn from Target. She was going to have her daughter and her college friends and I thought they could use the snacks and breakfast foods. I left it on her porch and left and then texted her husband.
Anyway, my best advice is to just say something and do something and not overthink it!
What are your tips?
Amy
Coffee and Cocktails at the Casa 
All great ideas. I agree don’t overthink it. Just do something and let them know you are there.
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Thank you! Yes – you are so right.
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I LOVE everything about this post- thanks for the reminders- best advice is not overthinking!
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I am the queen of overthinkers so that is also the best advice for me personally.
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What a thoughtful post! I know that I have a tendency to overthink and that sometimes becomes inaction. Yesterday I did not overthink. My neighbor and her daughter are in the midst of an extremely stressful time. I put together a happy fall goodie tote: a gift card to one of their favorite restaurants, a pumpkin, a pumpkin decorating kit(from Aldi), Halloween socks, chips, dip, pumpkin bagels, candy corn, and a fall candle. Also, they have a cat and 2 dogs, so I included treats for them as well. I got so much joy out of thinking about what they would enjoy!
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Thank you. Same! I totally did. That is so incredibly thoughtful and I am sure they felt so blessed by it.
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I tend to overthink it too and then I’ve waited so long to do something I feel silly doing something so I’ve gotten better about just sending a card with a handmade note or dropping off some food and I remind myself that even if I make something they don’t like or don’t want to eat or whatever that it really is the thought that counts.
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You are exactly right! That is very thoughtful and they really will not judge!
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Love all of these ideas. I always feel awkward but what do so something if others are having a hard time. These are all so thoughtful
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Don’t feel awkward – anything is appreciated!
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I love all of these, and truthfully, I’ve been the recipient of most of these since June. Another thing that I think is really important if it’s someone you’re really close to and feel like you can talk to easily is to just pick up the phone and call them. I did that with my best friend when several of her family members died close together in time; I’d make her talk until she was laughing again, and I could tell she was feeling better. She has been doing the same for me and she calls me most mornings just to check on me. Sometimes people just need a sympathetic ear, you know? No solutions, just quiet and the freedom to speak their minds. That’s what I try to do the most, probably- I let people talk and I listen and sometimes even cry alongside them.
You’re a really great friend. I’m thankful for you!
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You are spot on with these thoughtful ideas! I can’t tell you how much just a text has meant to me these past two years. Excellent post!
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I think just listening and not offering advice or trying to fix things is very helpful. And you are right; offer to do something specific rather than say let me know if you need anything. Most people will not ask you to do something but if you offer something specific they are more likely to take you up on it!
A candle and a card is a great idea!
xo,
Kellyann
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These are such thoughtful ideas which really do mean a lot when you are going through a rough time. I went through some things a little while ago and what I appreciated was some people just dropping me an email to say they care and are there for me to vent to if needed.
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All of these are great ideas! Thankfully I don’t need to use any of these right now but they are great to keep in mind. Also, bring some pretty paper plates and napkins if bringing food to someone.
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Thank you. I love that – you could only bring paper products to make their life easier. Adding that!
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What a thoughtful post! I, too, have often been guilty of overthinking and it will get in the way of making a needed difference! Sometimes its the simplest of things that means so much – a listening ear, a word of encouragement or support, checking in a day or a week (or a month) later – and a yummy treat never hurts either! Thanks for the great reminders!
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Thank you. I think you nailed it about checking in later because people tend to move on and forget and the person still very much needs attention.
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This is such a good post on how to help a friend or family member. I am one of those who always dilly dallies about doing something and then do something totally unneeded at the last minute. Thanks for the good ideas.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
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Thank you. It takes some practice. I bet you are a great listener and sometimes that is the thing that is most needed.
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SO many good ideas here! For a widowed friend, I’d frequently check in with her later in the evening, after our kids were in bed, and I knew that her house was all too quiet. The vibe was often life updating per usual (but not …) sometimes silly or trivial. Sometimes it was just saying g’night to one another. All conveyed, “I’m thinking of you. You matter. While I can’t fully understand, you’re not alone.” xoxo
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Thank you! That is such a good idea!
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