Tuesday, August 20, 2024

Deep Thoughts by Amy…

Grab a coffee!

or maybe something stronger?

I have two male teachers on either side of my classroom. I have made some observations as of late. My blog title means “Act like a Man”. One of the teachers had to miss school last week for one day (he is a veteran and has to do medical tests when the VA hospital says so) and he just said it matter of factly. There was no “I hate to miss already” or “I feel guilty”. He just stated it with no emotion.

I also notice that my two male teacher next door neighbors make decisions about things at school and don’t question themselves. The women tend to need to bounce decisions off of each other to make sure they are doing the right thing/the best thing for that situation. The men don’t seem to need that as much.

When I have to miss, I feel guilty. I ask myself if I really have to be off that day. I overthink it. Why do I do this? I will say that since the pandemic I have gotten better about this and I take days when I need to, knowing that I have days for a reason. For the first 27 years, I came to school when I shouldn’t have and rarely missed.

I walked in with a female teacher the other day and she literally had nothing to carry except her keys. I complimented her on not being weighed down. She said that she brings all her lunches on Mondays and has a computer at home and at school so really doesn’t need to cart anything. How liberating! I am in a profession where martyrs are celebrated. Who can stay the latest and literally roll the student work out to their car at the end of the day to at least look like they continue working from home. We must stop this kind of behavior!

I do feel like I am almost ingrained to not trust my judgement and to second guess even the most minute of decisions. Is this how females were conditioned during my formative years?

I once read a parenting book about “parenting like a man” and it made so much sense. They can be more in the moment and worry less about all the things that have to be done.

Back to teaching, sometimes I think it’s harder to be a female high school teacher. There are some male teachers at my school that would even scare me! Ha!

I am trying to make a pledge to myself to stop this behavior. “What Would a Man Do in this Situation?” will be my motto.

Do you have thoughts on this topic?

Amy

27 thoughts on “Act Like an Hombre”

  1. I was talking with someone a few weeks ago about just saying things with confidence. I feel like we do second guess ourselves often as women. I totally agree with leaving the behavior of trying to be the one who “out works” everyone. I feel like most people still bring work home anyway as we are accessible 24/7 with phones these days. Go in confidence today & celebrate when you leave on time!

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    1. Yes! I talk about that in my classes. Just be confident and try to speak Spanish and it will pay off!
      I do not work from home and I do not feel one bit bad. I get there early and give it my all until quitting time.
      Yes – you too! You will also have to be assertive and go to bat for yourself in the coming days I bet.

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  2. I’ve noticed this difference in men and women too; we are much more hyperaware of others around us and what they think of us (at least it appears that way). I do think boys were raised to be more assertive but I think that is changing so hopefully the next generation or two wont have such discrepancies or guilt about it.

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  3. Wonderful food for thought, Amy. I suspect we were conditioned to be diplomatic and not step on any one’s toes. We don’t want to appear pushy, egocentric, thoughtless, selfish. However, sometimes being decisive, fast and lead comes at a cost of perhaps stepping on someone’s toes. This should be okay – hear my language ;))? – if the big picture justifies the approach.

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  4. I agree 100% we need to stop celebrating and looking up to people who come early, stay late and leave with loads of work! Doing things very matter-of-factly is the way my husband rolls too – I have never heard him debate some of the silly things I do – how freeing to let all that go!

    xo,

    Kellyann

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  8. Wow. I actually needed to read something like this today. You’re giving me a boost in confidence, because someone in my life is being a real jerk right now. I love and agree with every word that you said here. Why do we do this as women? And how true that we always feel the need to bounce ideas off of someone else. I just did that very thing last night! Ugh. This is such a toxic way for us to think, as women. I think there are lots of things that are ingrained in us that play into us being like this, and now that I’m stepping back from my own life, so to speak, it’s all becoming plain as day.

    Thank you for sharing! I seriously needed this.

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    2. I am so glad! I hope that yesterday went well and that you found that hombre inside of you. Your inner hombre? I guess that doesn’t sound very good, but you know what I mean.
      I do think part of what makes us thoughtful is that we vent and bounce things off of other people, but I literally sometimes feel paralyzed and doubt myself.
      Thinking of you!

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  9. Interesting observations, Amy. My husband is very contemplative about his various projects, and often bounces ideas off me, but just as you described once he makes a decision he doesn’t second guess himself. And if it doesn’t work, he doesn’t berate himself. He just moves on to the next solution. I am trying to emulate him, but after so much societal indoctrination, it’s hard!

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  10. So much yes. Definitely think our generation of women were raised to be pleasers, it’s a very difficult habit to break. Joined a women’s tennis league and we have noticed how much we apologize to each other on the court, it’s ridiculous. I’m sure men don’t say sorry to their teammate when they miss a shot, argh.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, time to break the pattern!!

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  11. This was an interesting read. My hubs and I both sometimes brought work home, so it might depend on the job. I do think women second guess themselves about so many things and letting that go is good. If you can lol. I am a big second guesser. Men and women come at life differently and for the most part I think that’s a good thing. Have a great week!

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    1. Thank you! Yes, that is true. And, some people say they would rather be comfortable at home to finish work, but that is not my style. I have tried both ways. I would rather go early and get things done.
      I am too! I do think it’s a good thing, too, but I also think I could take a page out of a man’s book in this regard!

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  12. So insightful! & I agree. I often over-think & Travis just makes decisions 😂I don’t know what it feels like to not carry my school bag, lunch bag and purse. Maybe one day!

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