Wednesday, July 31, 2024

I’m pushing this post so that you have it before school starts!

Your attitude matters. Try really hard to not speak negatively of the school or any teachers.

Even the most surly teen probably wants to make a new beginning special. Ask if they want to buy a few supplies and get ice cream. I bet they do!

Back to school is extremely expensive, but I think a few new things really helps. Maybe ask questions like, “what do you think you’ll want to wear this year?”, “was there anything you wore last year that you still want to wear or anything you definitely didn’t like or feel comfortable in?” and maybe don’t go too crazy because they may want to see how others are dressing. Also, sometimes grandparents just need a push or a suggestion. You could ask if they want to take them for their new shoes or something. They might be happy to contribute to back to school!

If your kid is walking, biking, driving for the first time to their school, practice the route before school starts – preferably at the time they would go. If it’s a new driver, sit in the passenger seat and the reward can be donuts. They will make fun of you, but it’s important. Just say that this is better than you riding with them on day one when everyone will see you in the car! Have them literally practice parking in the spot they will use.

I see many parents trying to be their kids’ friends. They need you to parent. Don’t be afraid to say “no”. Seriously. I don’t get it. In our family, we said, “we don’t agree with that” or “we don’t do that” when the kids talked about what a friend could do.

If the school offers an open house or a day to pick up schedules and “walk the schedule” make every effort to go. This really helps with new year jitters. Do not be offended if your kid is older and wants to meet friends to do this. Maybe you can compromise and drive separately and you pay the fees then let them do the rest with friends.

Ask open ended questions like, “what is the class you are most excited to take?” and really try to listen more than you talk. Try not to compare an older sibling’s experience or your own experience. It’s ok to tell funny stories but try not to preach. Get them talking if you can. Be really slow to respond and just let them talk. Teens shut down very easily. All of this is normal. Try not to say things like “that’s stupid!” because to them it isn’t stupid.

For the love of all things, please read the emails or the communications the school sends. If you feel disconnected, it might be on you. I know this is overwhelming. And, if you have multiple kids in multiple schools – whew! Put husband on one or more of the schools or kids. You don’t need to do it all.

It’s ok to write down or snap a picture of your kid’s schedule. Sometimes it’s important to know when they have which class when it comes to making appointments. Yes, some appointments have to be done during school time, but avoid when possible. Also, print out the school year calendar. There are so many days when school is out. I sometimes have a student say they aren’t passing a class and then they laugh and say they HAVE MISSED that class multiple times. Ummm… there is a correlation.

If your kid is middle school or older or maybe even late elementary have them start emailing the teacher instead of you. Maybe there is a health condition you want to make sure the teacher knows about so that might need to come from you. It’s so important to start putting this stuff on the kid so that they are capable by the time they need to be. I have had kids email me before school starts to tell me they prefer a different name than what is on my roster. I never get upset by these emails; I respect and appreciate them being on the ball. Also, don’t assume that just because you told the counselor that the information got to all 7 teachers. Yes, they should be sharing it, but they also have a lot of kids on their plate.

Attendance is so important and that starts with you. Do not act like attendance is a choice. Do not plan vacations during school days. It really hurts your kid. Can you imagine trying to make up even a day’s worth of assignments. That could be 7 things from missing one day on top of a new 7 things assigned. This goes back to printing off that school calendar.

Don’t “rescue” your kid. If they forget lunch, that’s not an emergency. If they forget a paper, they can bring it the next day. The person at the school desk is not running a concierge service. We have even had kids forget their headphones and a parent brings them. Nope. If I were principal, I would have a strict policy about this, but we can’t offend anyone anymore and we walk on eggshells.

Do try to get them to keep a granola bar or something that can be quickly eaten in their backpack. You never know when that might come in handy.

Please talk to kids about cellphones. Many schools are afraid to have strict policies these days – again eggshells. If you can avoid texting during the school day, please do. If they text you, don’t respond unless it’s an emergency. Tough love. They should not be on their phones during class. I know someone whose daughter was constantly texting “come get me” and guess what – mom came and got and the kid learned they can pull this and do. I actually think it’s great when parents are not available. Does everyone work from home these days? I see parents picking up kids in droves these days. Seriously? Whatever happened to coming at the start of the day and staying until the end of the day. I make a big deal about good attendance in my classes.

I know I’ve forgotten some things! Whew!

Lest you think I’m a hypocrite…my children (twins) only missed 3 days of school from kindergarten until senior year. Two were funerals and one was a sick day each at different times. This was a combination of luck, good health, and Tom and I not really giving them an option to not go to school. Also, as a teacher, I couldn’t really plan vacations during the school year, either. They always really loved school, too. The more you go consistently the easier it is. The more you miss, the more you want to miss.

Sound off in the comments!

Amy