Friday, July 19, 2024

I’m sitting here on my covered patio with some light rain going and it feels like a gift. It’s Wednesday morning (7:00 am) and I feel like I’ve already lived many lives this week.

I decided to write about this to help anyone else and because a lot of us in the blog world are experiencing this stage of life – aging parents.

And, if this isn’t your thing, that’s ok, too!

My mom in June with her three daughters:

My mom is super strong and independent. She suffered a stroke last June and fully recovered with no rehab or therapies needed. It was pretty amazing. She is 81 and lives alone since my dad passed. None of us live in the same town, nor does she have other family there. So, that’s really hard.

Last week she started saying that she felt weak and had no appetite. She went to the doctor on Wednesday and he said she was dehydrated. She did a few things the rest of the week, but still didn’t feel that great. Over the weekend, she continued to feel weak. My two sisters and I were available to go see her or take her back to the doctor, but she refused the offers. Sunday night at 10 pm she finally agreed to let her friend take her to the ER. She is really lucky to have a really good friend who she has traveled with and who also sadly shares the widow status with her. In fact, their husbands died within 3 weeks of each other.

So, her friend kept us updated from 10pm until almost 3 am Sunday night into Monday. They finally saw my mom, admitted her, and then started giving her blood as they determined that her hemoglobin was down to 4.6 and it’s supposed to be 11-12.

I had already told my sisters that I would head there in the morning on Monday. So, I was going for sure. We learned with my Dad in the hospital for 7 weeks, and then my mom’s stroke that we have to take turns and be smart about creating a shift schedule I guess you could say. So, I was going to take shift number one and see what we were dealing with.

Her friend started texting us again around 7 am (she had already gotten back to the hospital just 4 hours after going home! Good friend!) and told us mom was getting more blood and doing well. I told her I was on my way and would be there a bit after 8 am.

Well, as I was driving, the friend started texting us that we all needed to come and that my mom’s BP, body temp, etc. were all very low and there were many health professionals running to her room.

So, my two sisters both started getting stuff together to come, too. We talked on the phone through tears and just talked about being on the same page, my mom’s wishes, and things like that.

I got there and my mom had gotten stabilized but had been moved to ICU. I thanked the friend and she left. I started taking notes on everything that the friend had told me, then a nurse and doctor came out to talk to me and even though she was stabilized at that point, the doctor made it clear how serious it was. The nurse asked me about wishes for “full code” which means to do anything necessary to keep her alive. So, this was serious.

I got to go back and see my mom and she looked really bad. She knew who I was and was talking but I couldn’t understand her very well.

One sister arrived and I met her at the elevator and I filled her in before we went back to see my mom. Her body temp had been 95 and they were using a warming blanket to bring it up. Her blood pressure had been really low and it was coming up with dopamine. They were going to do an endoscopy to find out if she had an internal bleed and they were going to do a colonoscopy but needed to wait “a few days” until she was stronger.

The second sister arrived and we filled her in, too. She had all her kids but we told her to keep them at mom’s house for now because of how much equipment was in the room and how bad she looked. Mom was talking and knew who all of us were but she was pretty out of it and sleepy from all the drugs. The endoscopy was done and we found out it was clear. All three of us got to talk to the doctor.

Nothing happens (or not as much) on the weekends in hospitals so we were all thankful it was a Monday!

At some point, Molly and I stepped out to find the power of attorney paperwork in case it was needed. Molly is the only one living in the same state as my mom, so it was easiest to make her the POA. We dropped it off with her financial advisor in case we needed to start talking about the business side of things -what money is set aside for mom’s care. It may seem in poor taste to mention this, but please make sure you have this is place for your parents.

As the day went on she kept improving! Her body temp was normal, her BP was normal, her talking was normal and she was acting like herself. Then, we got the news that her hemoglobin was back to normal – at 12!

So, something like this is not only physically exhausting but also mentally and emotionally exhausting.

The three of us talked about how we all have our strengths – I am the oldest, type A, ask lots of questions, take copious notes. Molly, the baby, is probably the best caretaker type, and Kate the middle is very smart, does the research, and is really flexible and able to do whatever is needed in a crisis. She is so strong and such a rock and has been through a lot so is really good with stuff like this.

Kate’s three kids got to come over and visit for a while.

To go from thinking we are saying good bye at 7 a.m. to such good news by late afternoon was pretty crazy and a testament to how strong our mom is!

So, Kate had three kids and a dog with her and was staying at my mom’s house because she lives over 3 hours away. Molly was also staying at my mom’s house because she lives 2 hours away. I decided to go on home because it was my anniversary – lol. And, now it seemed weird that Tom’s Montana trip got cancelled because of the timing of everything with my mom, right? I’m still sad he couldn’t go, but it was nice to have him here as my rock.

Tom and I met at a Mexican restaurant when I got back to town and I showered and crashed, but couldn’t sleep. There were so many unknowns and I honestly think the oldest child feels responsible and that was me.

Sunday night I probably got two hours of sleep, Monday night I probably got four hours of sleep, and then finally last night I slept great!

So, back to the story…

Another thing I always do is call the night shift nurse to get a report before they switch to day. I found out that mom had bleed significantly (remember that we were looking for the reason the hemoglobin got so low) and they were going ahead with a colonoscopy. Maybe this was actually good because before they were going to wait a few days.

Kate and Molly got back to the hospital after I told them this and started sending me reports that she was getting prepped.

Tuesday morning Tom drove me back. It was really nice to have him drive since I was so tired. I also didn’t know what the day held. We were lucky to have the kids on hand to handle the puppy all day, too.

Tom dropped me off and went and ran a few errands – checked on my mom’s house, her garage door opener was broken, got gas, stuff like that.

The hospital had a German food truck already parked out front so I told Tom it was his reward! Tom loves German food and was born in Germany.

So, I was at the hospital at 9:00 ish and met my sisters in the colonoscopy waiting room (that’s not really what it was called) and I was ready to take over. They wanted me to remind the staff that we were there if the doctor wanted to talk to us. They like me to handle the communications issues and I have no trouble talking (or writing – as you can see – if there is anyone still out there – ha!).

So, we didn’t have to wait long and a nurse came out and told us that they found her issue and it all has to do with the blood thinner she is one because of the stroke. She had something called ischemic colitis and it’s a very easy fix with an antibiotic which they had already started in her IV.

What? We were just dumbfounded. So we had gone from thinking this was it Monday morning to Tuesday morning being told she just needed an antibiotic.

The rest of the day we didn’t get to talk to anyone else – missed the doc doing the rounds while the nurse was talking to us in the waiting room – boo and mom was sedated and sleepy until dinner time. We kept going in and out but mainly stayed in the waiting room.

Molly’s hub arrived with 3/4 of her kids so that was nice. Then, Molly’s hub and Tom went and did some “guy stuff” so that was good for them. I think they shopped and looked at ATVS. Yes, we also ate German food in the waiting room. Sorry to anyone for the smell of sauerkraut. Also, the elevator still smells like sauerkraut.

A case manager came to get information from us for future discharge just to get some things on file. She also gave us lots of resources for maybe not now but in the future. That was really helpful.

Tom and I stayed until 6:00, I think. Molly went home around 7:00 with her hub and kids (in 2 cars).

Kate is doing today (Wednesday) and then I go back tomorrow (Thursday).

Molly is doing Friday.

We just don’t know how long she will be in the hospital and we learned the lesson that as much as we like it to be all three of us, that we have to manage our resources.

If your loved one is on a blood thinner and gets very weak, this is extremely common.

So, now it’s Thursday morning as I finish this post…

So, Wednesday on Kate’s shift, she got to talk to the doctor. He said that even though we have figured out the immediate problem, that she is still very sick and this has to be happening (losing blood – not producing enough blood) for some reason that will be figured out in an out patient setting. So, we were also kind of shocked about this after what we thought was good news the day before. I guess we shouldn’t have been shocked, but we were.

He said she would be going back to her hematologist and her oncologist after this immediate threat is handled. She has had lymphoma before and she was having kidney issues and had already met with both of these doctors before this happened. In fact, they had thrown out a possible multiple myeloma possibility but my mom refused the biopsy to know for sure. So, even though I was home on Wednesday, Molly was home on Wednesday, and Kate was the hospital person, we talked and texted for quite a bit and were kind of reeling from this latest news.

Remember I said that my mom is very strong? Well, what comes with that is independence and stubbornness, too. After her stroke last year she refused physical therapy and she has already made some remarks about how she plans to handle the current situation. And, she is still saying she does not want the biopsy.

She definitely wants to continue to live alone in HER house, but we know that at the very least she will need some help. Kate started the conversation about her needing to do some therapies and agree to some things if that is her goal.

Any advice is appreciated! If you have also been through this, let me know. And, maybe you won’t need this for a long, long time with your parents, but I hope it will help someone.

Also, this week I finished this:

Loved it! So, I think the most recent Emily Henry and the first Emily Henry were my faves. Her others were just meh for me.

And, I started this:

I’ve been so busy it’s been hard to shop, but I managed to still participate in Prime Days!

I ordered sunglasses that go over glasses (you know you’re old when…), a “set” recommended by a few people all over the internet, and a Nespresso! The price was great and if I don’t like it I will send it back.

Our Mexican anniversary dinner:

I really need to do a Tom appreciation post. On my day back at home we went to Costco together even though I told him it was his day to pick what we did – and he just really let me rest. He did keep his days off this week since he was supposed to be in Montana. He has helped me, done house projects, and done lots of puppy time. Tom is not a grand gesture guy, but he’s pretty great to have around.

If anyone is still here, happy Friday and I hope you have a fun summer weekend!

Amy

29 thoughts on “It’s Been a Week!”

  1. OH wow; that is quite a week! We had very similar problems/situation with my mother in law when she was in and out of the hospital for much of Dec. and Jan. She’s quite stubborn and refused lots of things… and out right ignores doctor’s orders/wishes. However, she’s in her late 60’s and is completely independent and coherent so we felt like other than talking to her (and guilting her about her grandkids) there wasn’t a whole heck of a lot we could do. Thankfully she seems much recovered after her final diagnosis and surgery but it was rough going for a while. Sending prayers for you all!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Wow. I unfortunately had a lot of those weeks with my mom and my husband’s mom. My mother in law just passed on July 1st. She lived alone until she was about 84 and then broke her hip and had to be moved to assisted living and a few years later to full nursing care. My husband’s only brother passed away last year and that left only him and me to handle everything. I spent many days and nights at the hospital with her. And although you hate to have the conversation about long term care and DNR’s and Living Wills it has to be taken care of. Good luck. It sounds like you have a great support team just like your mom. Thank you for sharing with us.

    Like

    Reply

  3. Oh, Amy! My goodness, what an ordeal. It’s amazing how quickly things can change, right? Health is everything. Thank goodness you 3 sisters get along so well and make such a good team. I can understand your mom wanting to remain in her house and live alone, I can even kind of understand not wanting the biopsy – maybe she feels like what’s the point? She might not want treatment anyway. But it would be good info to have so you know how to manage things.

    Anyway, I don’t have the answers but I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You are so blessed to have Tom in your corner!

    xo,

    Kellyann

    Like

    Reply

  4. I am so sorry to hear this, Amy. It is wonderful though that you and your sisters get along so well and can share the responsibility.

    Like

    Reply

  6. Oh Amy-sending you virtual hugs- what a stressful week- will pray for you and your mom- please keep us posted and Happy Anniversary! XO

    Like

    Reply

  7. I read every word! I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard week. Your mom is so lucky to have you all. I hope she continues to improve and is ok. So thankful that Tom was home this week too. He’s a good one! I know what you mean about aging parents (& stubbornness…haha) since I don’t see my parents (& GMA) all the time, I feel like they look / seem older when I do. I’m always sad to leave. I’m glad I could help my dad with knee surgery and while not super serious, he’d lost a lot of weight from pain, needed to regain strength, etc…& it’s still hard to see. I hope you mom continues to improve & you all get some rest.

    Like

    Reply

  8. Tom definitely deserves a whole appreciation post! It’s great to have a husband to lean on when times are hard; and those times definitely come around more as parents age. I’m saying this both with love for you, my own appreciation for your great husband, and sadness for myself. I’m a mixed bag of emotions! 🤣 I’m so glad to know that your mom is going to be okay, for now at least, and I will pray for you and your sisters to have wisdom over how to handle her living status. I have friends that use home health aids, but that gets so expensive! Aging parents is not for the faint of heart. I also love how well you and your sisters work together and play into your own strengths. That’s so smart! My best friend works for the attorney I used to work for, and she always harps on people about this topic of getting things set in place before the final days come. It’s so important and literally saves relationships. I’m grateful my dad had everything set in place for us kids. It’s made it so much easier on my brother as the Trustee of his trust.

    Like

    Reply

  9. I’m sorry about your mom. My husband has been going through a similar situation as his parents are in their late 80’s. He has one struggling with cancer, and the other starting with dementia. They live 8 hours away so that’s a challenge. It’s a hard life stage. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope things keep going in a positive direction for her.

    Like

    Reply

  10. Wow!! That’s quite the emotional rollercoaster!! I think I mentioned my father in law had an accident (backed over by a truck!) He is 88 and has been in the hospital, rehab and now skilled nursing. We are working on plans for after he leaves skilled nursing. Prior to this, we didn’t have a power of attorney. My husband was finally designated POA. We also determined that my father in law wants a Do Not Resuscitate order if that is necessary to make that decision. It helps that my husband is an attorney but even then we all haven’t planned very well for his healthcare. It truly is all hands on deck!! My heart goes out to those who are taking care of a loved one on their own 😞 My father in law is a fall risk because he had an brain aneurysm in 1983 (poor short term memory) and now has dementia. While he is in a skilled nursing facility we still need to help monitor him. His daughter lives in Denver and comes in Thurs night and spends most of Fri, Sat and Sun with him. I stay with him during the week from 10:30 – 3:00. He has PT from 3-4:00 and then his girlfriend leaves work and us with him thru dinner 4-6:30 and then my husband comes from 6:30 -8:30 to get him in bed and make sure staff gives him Seroquel otherwise he wakes up and thinks he is being held hostage 😳 Another sister in law accompanies him to doc appts when he needs to go. Sorry this is so long but as you can see there are 5 of us and a very nice skilled nursing facility taking of him and we are all tired!! 🙁 There is also the issue of $$$ but that is another topic. My words of advice: plan ahead, determine a POA and prepare any advance directives, try to spread out the care and decisions to family and friends as much as possible and ask for help!!

    Like

    Reply

  11. What a week you’ve had! I really feel for you having gone through aging parents. Both of our parents have passed and it’s a lot. I’m so glad you have the support of your sisters and your dear husband. My husband was in the hospital a month ago just for a few days and it’s exhausting. I think it’s because your adrenaline is on, even if you don’t feel it while you’re there and coming home your body knows it’s time to collapse. I hope your Mom is open to talking about her future health needs and understands the effects on you and your sisters. Be good to yourself and do things that bring you peace.

    Like

    Reply

  12. Oh Amy, I have been there and know how hard it is to navigate! My parents both lived at home until they passed last year (93 and 91-within 6 weeks of each other). My dad was one of the most independent, hard-headed human there was! 🙂 I think that is one reason he made it to the age he did, but it can make it difficult when you are trying to keep them safe and take care of them. There are four siblings in my family, but my sister (who is the oldest) and I (the youngest) were the ones who took care of them (going to dr. appts., going over and checking on them daily, etc.) We decided last January to get hospice in (not for end of life – they offer many other services!) for both of them, just so a nurse would lay eyes on them once a week and could help us navigate, when needed, if and when changes occurred. Both of their passing was very unexpected and happened very quickly, but I will say the team we worked with through hospice was truly a God-send. It took a lot of convincing to get my dad to agree to it, but it didn’t take him long to realize what a blessing they were. I don’t know how we would have gotten through it without them. Wishing you all best wishes and hope your Mom continues to improve!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. What ah emotional roller coaster, sure you’re wiped out. The aging parents thing is so difficult, glad you have 2 sisters and a wonderful husband. The support is critical, always wonder how only children handle this stage. My Mom died last year after a 4-year battle with dementia, which ultimately meant she could never be left alone. My Dad was a hero, but he couldn’t do it all. Thank goodness he has 4 children, so we could all take shifts. Please take care of yourself, being the caretaker is impossibly taxing at times. Thinking of you during this difficult time.

    Like

    Reply

  14. Happy Friday Amy,

    I hope your mom is doing better. My oldest brother died at 46, 15 years ago and my parents are 84 and will be 91 in September and live on the farm in South Dakota. Not a lot of resources, my dad doesn’t drive anymore and it is tough. My dad had a stroke in April 2018 and is on Eliquis and had a couple of uncontrollable bleeds, foot and arm in the past month and cut back on the blood thinner. They are relatively healthy for their ages and yes, the stubborn, independent streak is difficult. I made them get their names on the list at the only nursing home in town last year. My dad has some cognition issues, dementia issues? Not entirely sure and so my mom has to take care of about 95% of things. She did not deal with vehicles or finances so has been a process. Getting her to understand my dad can not do this is so difficult and if she asks him things he gets angry as can’t do it or remember it, like his SS #. I have two younger brothers and we work together and are on the same page for the most part so that is good. They didn’t have advanced directives and told them if up to me I was pulling the plug. They have lived a good life, have children, grand children, great grand children. Well, they got busy with that! 😉 It is an ongoing issue and makes me realize how much I can’t control. I work on being understanding and yet firm on the non negotiable. Another winter on the farm makes us all very nervous. I would like them to move to Sioux Falls where their doctors, shopping, friends and grand daughter and greats are and they won’t. They talk about how their friends are dead or go south. I wish they would go south from November to May but they won’t. Hang in there and thankful for your sisters and husband. My husband was a help and miss him helping. It’s Kate who has been through divorce? One’s own issues is a lot too. I know I need to figure this all out as no children and at some point no spouse. My youngest brother is twice divorced and single now and we talk about that. My MIL had a potassium issue that made her quite ill a few years ago. It’s amazing how fast they can deteriorate and then recover.

    Praying for you and thank you for sharing. I feel like my girlfriends and I talk about this issue a lot. It is not easy and hard when one’s parents don’t want to face facts and take action needed and siblings disagree. Praying for healing and clarity.

    Christa

    Like

    Reply

  15. What a week! That was truly an emotional roller coaster with all the different news you got each day. I’m glad things are looking up and appreciate all the info about handling a health crisis. My mother-in-law just had hip replacement surgery…aging parents are definitely challenging.

    Like

    Reply

  16. Caring for aging parents is so tough! I hope that you and your sisters are able to keep up a rotation so at least one of you is with your mom. Easier now in the summer than when you go back to school, but I hope by then, she will be stable enough to go home and that there are community resources or visiting nurse services that can help out.

    Like

    Reply

  17. Oh, Amy, I will add you, your sisters, and your mom to my prayers. I was my mom’s medical POA. Even with a DNR on file, they still called me when she stopped breathing. I don’t know if that was a hospital thing or not, but you might let your sister know they may still contact her if necessary. My mom was quite adamant about what she did and didn’t want, but your heart doesn’t always respond in the same way when you get that call.

    https://marshainthemiddle.com/

    Like

    Reply

  18. My gosh, what a week you’ve had! I wish your family all the best as you deal with your mom’s medical issues. She’s very fortunate to have 3 daughters who will advocate for her and help as needed. Also, her friend sounds like an absolute angel! I think all of that makes a huge (positive) difference. I think it’s smart how you and your sisters take shifts so that you’re relatively rested and able to deal when it’s your turn. Your mom sounds amazing! I’ve struggled with low iron/hemoglobin before, and it’s exhausting, and when it’s really low, like your mom’s was, it’s hard to talk and even harder to tune in to what is going on. I hope she recovers fully! Take care!

    Like

    Reply

  19. Amy, my thoughts are with you, poor you! Sick parents are the worst! When I went through something similar my immune system really crashed, so see to it that you take care of yourself! Sleep, eat, take your vitamins, get sun!

    Your mum seems to be a strong lady and I really hope she recovers soon.

    Love, Tin-Tin

    Like

    Reply

  20. Good morning Amy-well you’ve had quite a challenge but you’re surrounded by family that loves you and takes care of each other! Please try to take care of yourself, lean into the simple joys when you can and know so many people who read your blog are sending you all the best! Wonderful to hear your mom is recovering nicely. I hope this week is a good one!

    Like

    Reply

  21. Hi Amy – I am so sorry that your mom was not doing well and all the ups and downs that come with that.

    I want to share our experience with low platelets. My significant other/partner/boyfriend/however you call him when you are not a teen anymore had CLL (Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia). Leukemia is closely related to Lymphoma. He had CLL 16 years ago, received chemotherapy and went into remission. Then about two years ago, his platelets dropped really low (1) and they could not figure out what the cause of it was. Blood transfusions and other treatments raised the count for a day or two before it plummeted again. A bone marrow biopsy revealed the CLL was back again, and the abnormal cancer cells were destroying the platelets. His lab results did not indicate that the CLL had returned at this point, but a bone marrow biopsy is much more detailed. He was diagnosed with ITP (Immune thrombocytopenic purpura), which is the term for low platelets.

    Not saying that your mom has this. Just wanted to make you aware of this, as you and your sisters are great reseachers this might be something to keep in mind.

    Prayers for a speedy recovery.

    Also, do you know what happened to Andrea of Living on Cloud Nine?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. My mom did have lymphoma 10 years ago so thank you for sharing as that might be helpful!
      I hope your boo (haha) is doing ok!
      No one knows what happened to Andrea. She went dark! I tried to reach out and I also asked other bloggers. One of my readers is upset bc she feels that she needs to explain and she is still showing outfits with LTK on her website.
      Thank you so much!

      Like

      Reply

      1. Boo – I like that. Yes, he took treatment for this second bout of CLL. Medicine has improved so much since the first time he faced this. He is healthy now!

        Thanks for letting me know about Andrea.

        Liked by 1 person

  22. Amy,

    Sorry to hear about your mom. I am glad you have your sisters to collaborate with and share in the caregiving. Silver linings of it being summer for you still. I have found the Facebook group The Sandwich Generation to be very helpful at this stage of life.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment