Tuesday, July 9, 2024

I’m excited to finally pull back the curtain and share our college experience. I kept the exact college a secret on the old blog (locals may have figured it out) while my twins were there, but since they graduated I am going to tell you everything I can think to tell you about our experience.

I’m also going to link up with Joanne’s Talking about it Tuesday, so check out some other posts there, too!

Why, you ask? Because…

I had a lot of fear of my only two kids leaving the nest at the same time and what that would look like – mentally, emotionally, and financially.

I guess it’s hard to see this because I started my blog when my twins were 16 and I have tried to make my blog about me and not them to respect their privacy (remember when I only used an initial instead of their names?), but I loved momming so much. Being a mom was my dream and it was everything I wanted and more. I really could hardly think about the college years because it made me so sad. I hope that makes sense and is relatable to someone out there.

I hope this post helps you if you have kids approaching college age!

First, yes it’s so stupid that college costs so much.

We were told we had to fill out the FAFSA or the college wouldn’t give any money for academic scholarships. It’s all about the FAFSA. Also, it’s all about the parents’ income. Tom was in charge of FAFSA each year, thankfully.

Many kids should not go to college and it’s silly that we are basically shaming kids if they don’t. You might be surprised to hear a high school teacher say this. I want to normalize kids choosing other paths. There are so many types of smart and we have kids that are bored to tears with the high school curriculum we force upon them. When we took away vocational education we made a big mistake.

Please be ok with your kids choosing a technical school or an apprentice training program.

Please don’t be ok with $200, 000 in student loans that will seriously affect your child’s life for a long time.

Look for the programs your state offers – mine is now offering free junior college. Your kids’ guidance counselors are very busy, but they have a lot of knowledge. Email them or better yet have your kids make an appointment with them. They need to be a bit pushy to get time with them but it should pay off.

We were able to take advantage of state money by staying in state for college. My kids accumulated $6000 for good grades and ACT score. See what incentives your state has.

So, junior year we started talking about college and which ones we wanted to visit. We pretty much told our kids they would have to stay in state unless an out of state school matched the money they could get by staying in state. Neither of them seemed upset by this. If they had felt strongly about a certain school in another state, I think we would have been open to looking. In fact, I think some kids can’t handle not having boundaries. It overwhelms them. There is nothing wrong with giving your kids a radius or a few states to choose from.

I tell my students that they are going to love anywhere they go because it’s college! You can have a great experience at a lot of schools! If it comes down to two schools, go with the one that will set you up the best financially for your future. Also, it doesn’t make sense to pay for Harvard for a teaching degree where you are only going to make $50,000 a year as a beginning teacher. Just my two cents! I also tell my students that no one ever asks where I went to school when I am in a professional setting. After you have your first job, no one really cares in my opinion.

So, back to our story. March of 2020. My kids were seniors and they had just received their scholarship packages. One applied to three schools and one applied to four schools, I think? Each of them had at least one big state school and one or two small liberal arts schools. Remember that the state schools are not hurting for students, but the smaller schools might be and they can be more generous with alumni money. We even got more scholarship money for just stepping foot on campus for an in person tour. It’s crazy. It’s like buying a used car to some degree! I learned quickly to not scoff at $1000 because it all adds up. I don’t throw away dollar bills, you know? One of my kids got additional money for the music department and one got money for participating in a scholarship competition. He didn’t win but everyone got an extra $1000 of academic scholarship money and $1000 to put toward study abroad. See, this all adds up!

I should also give you some background information and say that my kids did really well in high school – 11 and 9 AP classes respectively and one was one of the valedictorians with a 4.0 at graduation (our school has like 50 or more valedictorians, by the way). Hard work in high school really does pay off financially. Yes, their mom is a teacher, but remember that these little things arrived into the world at under 3 pounds each and 10 weeks early and we were told they might have learning disabilities due to prematurity.

So, March of 2020… pandemic arrives. My kids are seniors. We hear from our district that we are going home on March 13th and we don’t know when we will be back. We stay home for two weeks and don’t do much and then we have spring break…during this time, one of my twins came to me and said I think I know where I should go. He didn’t tell his twin. I didn’t tell his twin. A week later the other twin comes to me and says his decision. I let the cat out of the bag that they both had picked…

Bellarmine!

I didn’t feel like my kids were large university kids. I felt like they needed the smaller class size and attention so I couldn’t have been happier with their decisions. And, the fact that they both chose the same school made me happy and frankly made it easier on us to only have one set of information coming our way. And, sending your kids to college in the fall of 2020 – well, let’s just say the close to home situation made life easier in lots of ways. We were told all the Covid protocol and that added to the mix of my emotions – not only was I sending my only kids away to live at college at the same time, but during a global pandemic.

They were not going to room together and they were going to live on campus so this made me happy so that they would have the full experience even though they would be close to home (That turned out to be true – they never roomed together. But, senior year one did move home because the dorm situation was not a good one and it wasn’t worth the high price of the suite they assigned.)

Ok, so here’s the deal. My kids went to this school for less money than they would have paid the big state university. I also knew that if we did have a financial hardship living at home was an option. This school is about 20 minutes from our house in the same city, by the way.

Just remember that you can have the same experience close to home but you have to stay on campus and treat it like you are farther from home. And, you have to get involved and not go home on the weekends, but this is true no matter how far away you go.

By being close to campus, we were able to go see plays and concerts and some things during the week that we wouldn’t have been able to if they were farther away.

So, school starts in August of 2020 and all the pandemic precautions were in place. We had to wear masks and fill out a health screener for move in day. The classes were in person, online, or hybrid. With this climate, again, I was so happy that my kids were close to home. I was so worried for kids that had to be quarantined in special houses near campus. Do you remember all this? Then, they had to have vaccinations and they held them on campus. They had to show their card and get the booster eventually. I don’t want to turn this into a Covid blog post, but I will say that Tom and I both talked multiple times how we felt so much better with them being close and how their small college handled the horrible situation. They got really creative and still did so much for the students.

So, over the four years, we actually got to meet some professors at different events. They knew us by name and greeted us. We would run into them at restaurants near campus sometimes. We couldn’t believe how much any and every Bellarmine employee seemed to love their job. We were able to make phone calls to campus housing, financial aid, student accounts when we needed to and everyone was always just so nice.

The way payment worked for us:

We had some money saved in a 529 and used most of that up the first year. We wanted to have more, but we just didn’t. That really helped us to have that money for the first year as we were figuring it out, though. Twins ain’t cheap, y’all, but it’s just a different way of paying than one kid goes, then the next a few years later! After that, our kids had to sign all of their scholarships online saying they accepted them and understood the terms (had to maintain a certain GPA, for example), then we got a total for just that semester. So, Fall of 2021, for example was $6500 including tuition and room and board. You can pay in full or have it broken into monthly payments. I did monthly payments where it automatically came out of my checking account. I had two different monthly payments coming out each month and these amounts added up to more than our monthly mortgage payment, as you can imagine.

We also had them take out a small loan of $5000 a year so they would have some “skin in the game”. They were able to sign up for a program that matches your loan repayment amount as long as you are making under $40,000 upon graduation. We are going to help them set up a plan to automate these loan repayments and take advantage of “free money”.

Other than that, they have no additional debt and we have no additional debt.

Whew, it’s hard to believe their four years is over and they now have a piece of paper that says they did it!

If you have any questions for me, let me know. I hope this post has helped somebody out there that feels like I did.

I will tell you that 2020 and 2021 were really hard for me because my whole world changed. Pandemic, kids left for college, I taught from home and had to learn a whole new way to do my job…

Some of you have been around to witness all of that!

I think over the four years Tom and I grew closer and I actually grew closer to my kids, too! So, there has been so much good with this stage of life that it’s hard to be sad. I’m still trying to figure out how I’m old enough to have college graduate kids!

Amy

40 thoughts on “The College Experience – My Two Cents”

  1. I’ve been trying to tell my youngest it doesn’t matter how far away he goes to college– away is away!

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  2. I just love how your boys both chose the same school and came to you and told you! I totally agree – college is not for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that. The goal should be college or career ready. Our district had a great vocational program and some kids were graduating high school with training and certification in things like diesel mechanics. That field pays very well and the training was free! They were able to do it in high school. There are so many opportunities but you do have to look for them.

    xo,

    Kellyann

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    1. It really was a blessing! I really wish we had that! I think they do somewhere in the district, but not at my schoool. I agree! We really need to be sharing more of this with our kids. It’s so hard to find information!

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  3. I’m so sorry to be emailing you but I can’t seem to leave a comment anymore! Any suggestions? I lick on comment, it goes to the comment page but I’m not able to type in the comment box! It used to be easy. Anyway, I’m enjoying your blog and especially the one today. Thanks for any suggestions on how to be able to comment again! Trish Hertsgaard

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  4. Great post. It’s been a few years since Sophia went off to college, but I remember that the process was quite a chore. You have some helpful tips for anyone starting out.

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  5. Yes! College is ridiculously expensive! Thankfully all 3 of my kids got scholarships which helped and we had college funds for them. I think parents and high schools need to do a better job of helping kids determine whether they really want to go to college. There are so many other options out there. We have a friend whose son learned welding in high school.I know he has made custom ranch gates and made alot of money selling them!

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  6. I’m a high school teacher, and I agree, not all students need to go to college! I wish we had more vocational school options available. When we moved back home to Florida, we needed an electrician to install some ceiling fans. Lo and behold, the electrician turned out to be a former student of mine! He has his electrician’s license, owns his own business, owns a home here, owns a hunting property in GA, and owns a nice truck. I was thrilled for him!

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    1. Right? I think it would help so much. That’s what we have found, too. We had brick layers for our addition tell us that they are dying out and they need young apprentices.

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  7. I think this is great advice. My older daughter will be a junior this year. She is an honor student, but I can tell the thought of college is scaring her. She has a timid personality. Any thoughts on ways of discussing the topic so it doesn’t seem so intimidating. I know junior year will be big.

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    1. Thank you! She will change a lot this year. I wouldn’t bring it up right now. The school will start talking about it this year and just let her start the convo. Kids today perceive these talks negatively or as nagging sometimes. It is a huge year and I hope she has a wonderful year!

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  8. “did well in high school” is an understatement! 😉 Your boys are clearly rockstar students! I feel the same way as you about college – not for everyone, not worth debt, and “fit” is just as important as academics) but I am swimming upstream where I live. It’s uber competitive (parent driven) and there is so much scaffolding to get kids into the ‘right’ schools. Tutoring for 12 years, forced extracurriculars, college counselors and essay tutors, private athletic training and test prep, etc. My town is full of Wall Streeters, and they expect their kids to perform with an eye on a big firm. (people outside of NYC area may not realize just how much nepotism there is in the Ivy/Wall St pipeline. )No consideration for what the kid wants or needs. I preach against it constantly with mine. My oldest ended up at a large private university,(nowhere near an Ivy 😉 because it really was his dream school, but we had children late and 2 professional incomes for years, so he is fortunate to not have student debt (we did the skin in the game $5k per year loan, too, though)

    Now I’m starting over with my hs junior – just trying to negate the pressure that any of this matters! I also tell him that after his first job noone cares where he went. It was so different when we went – I don’t even remember where half my high school friends went to college. It’s become big business, like the wedding industry 😦

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    1. Well, we were very proud but I don’t like to be boastful. I have heard horror stories of that part of the country.
      It sounds like your junior has a great support in you!

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  9. So now what is next for your boys? Are they moving to other cities? Do they have their career goals out in front of them? My girls were four years apart in school so we had one graduating college one graduating high school. Both chose in state schools. Both earned exceptional scholarships as well. It’s a lot of work to maintain your grades, play sports, be expected to be social… I commend all of these high school students who can do all of it! So happy that I’m not living through it again, lol both of my girls had great experiences with sororities And friendships. I did not go to college and my parents did not try to force me to go to college. I still regret it to this day! Kelsey was 2 1/2 hours away and Taylor was about an hour away. Kelsey still lives in the town where she went to college. Over on the central coast of California.an absolutely loves living over here. Taylor moved back to our town when she graduated and now has an amazing career with an agriculture bank. Both of my girls are in banking. Come to think of it lol and both are doing very well proud of them!

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  10. I think this is great advice. My older daughter will be a junior this year. She is an honor student, and she has a timid personality. The idea of college is intimidating for her, and she doesn’t like when I bring the topic up. I know that junior year is big for college preparation. Do you have any advice for handling a student who seems fearful of the change?

    Stacy

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    1. I say let it be this summer. They change so much between soph and junior year. The school will bring it up and let her start the convo. Just let her talk about what she wants to this summer. Maybe do some open ended questions like – what are you most excited for this year? Also, I found convos in the car where they didn’t have to look at you eye to eye were nice for my teens.

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  11. I think this is good advice. My older daughter is an honor student and will be a junior this year. She is on the timid side, and she seems intimidated by the idea of college. She doesn’t like when I bring up the topic. I know that junior year is big for college preparation. Any advice on helping a student who is fearful of the change?

    Stacy

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  13. I can’t imagine have twins go off to college and the house empty at the same time!

    I lived at home in college. I spent one semester in an apartment and didn’t love it. It was about 30 minutes from home and then I worked at “home” at two different jobs, so I ended up driving just as much anyway. My brother also lived at home for his first two years of college. We had jobs near our parents’ house so it just made sense, you know?

    I’m glad you had your blog in 20-21 to document it all! (I also can’t imagine how weird and kind of awful it would’ve been to be in college in 2020 😦

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    1. Well, I could drive to see them 20 minutes away but they weren’t supposed to come home that year. Can you imagine? We did the dumbest things during Covid. Your family is germ-ridden?
      That is very practical of your family and it sounds like your parents made you not desperate to get away. They must be great people.
      I am so glad, too!

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  14. What a great post! I so agree about people learning a trade. College is not for everyone! Congratulations to your boys and to you and Tom for navigating this so well. One of mine is 5 hours away and the other 9 hours away (during the school year). Needless to say, I love a holiday when I can see them both!

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  15. I loved reading this post, and why do I feel like I’m going to blink and your advice will be really handy for me! Your boys did amazing, and I know you are proud. As you should be 🙂 I even love that they are back home for the time being. This is such a great time in their lives. Good job, mom!

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    1. Thank you. I hope it helped someone.
      Well, it kind of will feel that way once you are in the rear view mirror. Just enjoy each year and take it all in. It’s a very fun time. I’m also in a very fun time!

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  17. Great post! Many of the students I teach (intensive reading) will not go to college, and I wish there were more options available to them, such as vocational training during high school.

    Congratulations to your sons! My sons graduated in 2021 and 2023, and I’m so glad I never have to see a FAFSA form again! Here in Florida, students can receive Bright Futures scholarship money if they meet certain requirements with GPA and SAT/ACT scores, and it will pay either 75% or 100% of their in-state tuition for a public college. Florida uses lottery ticket money to fund this program. One of my sons had 75% of his tuition paid, while my other son had 100% paid. They also received random money from the state each semester, usually $800-$1200, because they were STEM majors. My older son graduated with $4500 in loans, and my younger son graduated with no loan debt.

    I encourage parents or students to call the financial aid office and ask about scholarships/grants, especially if their student did well in high school. My younger son was admitted to the honor’s college, but he didn’t receive a scholarship with it, as was promised in the promo literature when he applied. He emailed financial aid, and a few hours later he received an email telling him he had been awarded the Provost Scholarship, which was worth $30,000 over four years. He actually had enough money to cover his apartment rent, car payment and living expenses. I just paid the electric bill and bought food when we visited!

    I wish your sons the best! It’s a big leap from college to the post-college work life.

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    1. Thank you! I need to tell my readers to read all the comments because you and others have great advice to add. Your sons killed it! And, yes, always ask. It’s like buying a car – “well, I’m not sure we can make this work”. Ok, they give you another couple thousand dollars!
      Thank you – experiencing some growing pains right now and trying to figure things out.

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  18. Congratulations on your son’s accomplishments as well as yours. We found private colleges did, indeed, have lots more money to give if your kids did well in high school. My daughter actually was accepted into IU’s Honors College which would have covered about 3/4 of the costs, I think. I told her that was the one college she couldn’t attend because the only reason she wanted to go there was her current boyfriend was there. In the end, she went to Franklin College and loved it. My youngest didn’t decide to go to college until the last minute which meant all the good money was gone. He actually lived at home and cost the most because of that late decision. But, he is the only one who is actually using his degree. All three of our kids were strongly encouraged by us to go to college because they had the abilities. As a former spec ed teacher, I always argued that not every kid needed to go to college to be successful. I think it’s a shame we are still encouraging that train of thought…which just makes kids who know college is not for them feel even worse about their academic abilities when they shine in other areas.

    https://marshainthemiddle.com/

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    1. Thank you! It’s crazy that it’s all over now. So much anticipation and then the four years went so quickly. You make a lot of good points. I hope people will read the comments and all the wisdom.

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  19. I was shaking my head in agreement for the whole post! I definitely agree that college is not for everyone, and it is really a shame that it is expected nowadays. I think the trend is changing, though, with young people realizing it’s not the only way. Scholarships are definitely out there, especially if you get away from the big schools. I think the kids that were freshman in 2020 had to have a whole new level of strength to get through that year. With one of my kids just finishing college, I can look back and see so many pros and cons of her experience. She loved the small university setting and her classes. I didn’t like how her school handled covid. It was disappointing that our large high school (about half the size of her university) handled the restrictions etc in a better way than the college. But anyway, she’s finished now and all is well. We have been over-the-top pleased with my son’s university. I will be truly sad when he moves on at graduation. Great post!!

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  20. Thank you for sharing your experience! We are just three years away from college and this post both gave me comfort and panic. I can’t believe my Jack is so close to college age, but there are a lot of fun things to happen before that. It sounds like your kids made great choices and you did a great job being a college mom! I have already started encouraging my kids to study abroad in college. It is an incredible experience that I wish I had done.

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  21. I’ve worked in various capacities within a state school for 20+ years. A recommendation from seeing college aged kids over that time is I highly recommend helping teens learn how to speak/communicate with people on their own. I saw so many freshmen who couldn’t answer questions about their email address or various things like that without their parents help. Or they’d completely freeze up if you asked them something because they never scheduled their own appointments before or spoke with many adults. Someone always did that for them!

    There were so many kids that were picking majors they didn’t want to do because their parents were making them and it broke my heart. The kids were the ones that were going to be doing those classes and not the parents. So many of those students did not do well and it messed with their GPA.

    Also Dept of Ed updated the FAFSA to make it simpler so, hopefully that will actually be the case. I highly encourage people to apply for FAFSA as soon as the application opens. If you don’t have taxes done, use your previous year’s return (or estimate). The earlier the better!

    My oldest has a few more years before college and we’ve stressed to him that he does not have to go the college route, but he let me know recently he sees that in his future. So, it’s crazy to know we will be in that chapter soon. Thank you for sharing your story! I found it very helpful.

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    1. What great advice! I think I’m going to do a High School Tips post soon. All of this should start as early as possible. Kids emailing teacher – not parent. Let them make own hair appointment, etc.

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