Hi guys! Winter is back! I am linking up with Kellyann and Jill to talk about my fashion as of late.
Last week, I only had school Wednesday through Friday and it was a good thing because I only have 3 items with hearts! Ha!
Wednesday I wore this…
Yes, I am a Spanish teacher and I had to tell my students I was wearing French on my t-shirt. I also have on my black Halaras, my old white New Balances that I can’t get dirty. They are magical. My sweater is an old Target cardigan that I have like 5 colors of. This was my first day back after my mom’s funeral and I wanted and needed to be comfortable. We had been at home online the two days before.
Why do I still like graphic tees so much? Is something wrong with me?
Thursday I wore this repeat. I think I wore it three times during the days leading up to V Day.
And, Friday I wore my new black TJ Maxx pants that were $8. They are pull on and stretchy. I got them with my sisters in my hometown. We had never seen TJ Maxx prices so low. Things were $1, $2 and I think the most anything was on the clearance was like $8. Sisters majorly scored for themselves and for their kids. We really thought it was my mom’s doing. My mom loved loved loved TJ Maxx and loved buying and returning. She had a return in her car that we did for her. Sorry if this kind of talk makes you sad. It makes me smile and keep her close.
They were going to be funeral visitation pants but then I pivoted to a dress because it was warm out. The sweater is old from Amazon. The ballet flats are new this year from Walmart – Scoop brand.
Saturday I wore this:
The jeans are “skinny” and I feel kinda odd in them now, but when it is rainy and you wear rain boots it’s kind necessary to not have hems of wide legs in puddles, you know?
I had this navy press on mani on for about 9 days before taking it off.
Tuesday was teacher day and it was also snowing! I wore my school sweatshirt, leggings, Koolaburras, and vest.
Monday I did a Target trip and found the best classic Rainbow flip flop dupe for like $12. The dogs were out. These are really well made! Eddie Otis ate most of my summer shoe wardrobe last summer. Yum!
And, wait for it… I found the best Rothy’s dupe I have ever seen and got them for $16. Sadly they are now $20 and I got a half size too big. With a pointy toe or sometimes just a flat, I am an 8.5. I need an 8 in these fyi.
I really think we are going to see a lot of Mary Janes.
I like to take pictures of looks I want to try. I’ve been drawn to putting my button down under things lately. One of my button downs/button ups is a no wrinkle material that is also very cool and great for the woman who gets hot. I have a striped Breton top, too. So we will see if I can do this. The top might not be big enough to make this work under.
How cute are these by Boden? Should I go for it and not think about what they would match? I also want color but go for the practical neutral shoe, I think.
I am still having trouble editing photos once they are in my blog post. I have to edit on my phone and sometimes I forget.
I haven’t shopped much this year, but boy the spring styles are going to tempt me something fierce!
I placed a small Old Navy order and we shall see what I keep.
I first need to see what still appeals in my closet from last season.
Are we over our winter clothes? Pretty much over here!
What have you been wearing?
Also, should I make a drastic change and get my hair cut to shoulder length? I have an appointment on Saturday.
1. Many of our earliest presidents created words or expressions widely used today. Teddy Roosevelt is credited with mollycoddle, pack rat, frazzle, and loose cannon…which of those words/phrases currently relates to your life in some way?
Probably frazzled at the moment. But, most people probably wouldn’t think that about me. Some of it is of my own making. But, I will figure it out.
2. Have you visited many (or any) of the US Presidents homes, monuments, libraries or related sites? If so what’s been your favorite? Are there any you particularly want to see? Here’s a link to presidential sites listed by state which is kind of fun to read-Presidential Places by State. And since several bloggers who participate in the HP each week live outside the US, here’s a link to Presidential Places Outside the US. Have you seen any of those?
I actually think I have visited a lot of them. My parents took us on so many trips and then Tom and I took our kids to some of the homes in Virginia. We did Colonial Williamsburg and DC trips with our kids. We went to Mount Vernon and Monticello. I made them a t-shirt quilt of all of our trips from the time they were born until they were 14 and we made sure to get a shirt from each trip. Most were road trips where we went to several places on each trip. Age 14 was their first plane trip to Germany!
I definitely appreciated the homes more as an adult.
In my city we have the home of Lucy Clark, of Lewis and Clark fame. She was the sister of William Clark. The home is very close to my house. I love picturing what places were like back in the day.
3. February 20th is National Cherry Pie Day…will you celebrate? Given your choice of cherry pie, cherry cobbler, cheesecake with a cherry topping, or black forest cake which would you choose?
I did not know this! I probably would never pick cherry over another flavor. I like the flavor but not the skin of the cherries in my dessert. Does that make sense?
4. Last time you worked a puzzle of some kind? Something that had you puzzled recently?
I hate puzzles. Why is that fun? Also, the box shows you what it is going to look like. What’s the mystery?
Now, solving crimes – yes!
Also, I just got a card signed by someone and I realized it wasn’t that person’s handwriting. I realized whose it was. This sounds very dark, but it really wasn’t. Tom calls me Nancy Drew. I love solving mysteries. Not big mysteries. Just little daily ones like where someone ate lunch that day based on their non-descript take out cup. I think I’m good at noticing little details and then banking that information to be used later.
5. Of the early blooming flowers (January-early March depending on your zone) which one’s your favorite?
No, I don’t. I basically only have one giant periwinkle blue hydrangea.
6. Insert your own random thought here.
It’s Girl Scout cookie time. The Ghirardelli square is better than a Thin Mint. Even Tom loved it. He is the biggest Thin Mint fan I know. I heard them recommended by Melanie Shankle or else I never would have picked it on my own. By the way, my copy of Here Be Dragons arrives today. I’m excited to read it but I also think it could be very emotional for me.
Are you doing The Happiness Project with me? I actually started this post at the end of January and read ahead for February. I look up and it’s already the 18th of the month!
The February Happiness Project Goals:
quit nagging, don’t expect praise or appreciation, fight right, no dumping, and give proofs of love
So, there is a big focus on marriage in this month. I think all of the above focus on your relationship with your partner.
This is all according to Gretchen Rubin.
I want to add – check on friends and plan friend activities in the month of February, plan to spend some time with kids, plan fun activities at school for the month of February, and plan a V Day dinner and small gifts. I also want to carry over the decluttering goals from January that I didn’t accomplish.
So, I wrote all of the above at the end of January and I still want to do the things I can. I wasn’t able to do as many activities in class but maybe that’s ok because some kids might not want to dwell on the holiday. As for my family, one kid worked on Valentine’s Day night and one kid went out. It was just Tom, Eddie Otis, and I. Tom came home with this for me:
I have lots of flowers right now and they are beautiful but sad, so I am glad he went with my favorite – dark chocolate with sea salt. The Sanders are to die for. He found them at Kroger. I only need one to be satisfied. They are decadent.
He took the dog for a walk in the cold and when he came back I told him this was our dinner:
He looked so relieved. He loves a Totino’s supreme and I was excited to try another Target Good and Gather. It was so good! I gathered this one and the goat cheese and spinach on my last Target trip and the kids had already eaten that one. Someone said this Target brand is pretty clean. We ate our pizza and watched Elspeth. A teacher had made me a cake and it was so delicious for dessert.
Originally I had thought we would go to Fresh Market and pick some fun stuff, but we were both just beat from the week.
So, I have not had a chance to show my love much. I have not been nagging, I have not expected praise, and I haven’t really been fighting. Since my mom passed away on January 28th until now, I have been on the receiving end of proofs of love! And, I guess I haven’t had the energy for the bad behaviors she mentioned.
Because of all the love shown to me, this only makes me want to show love more and to reciprocate. I invited a friend to a Galentine’s event Thursday and it was so good to get out! She is the one who made the beautiful cupcakes in the first photo.
Each year in February I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel of winter and I am ready to be more social. I hibernate most of January and February and it seems that school is the only place I go – and might I say I get plenty of socialization.
I still want to declutter. I am waiting for the motivation but I think I’m close. As The Lazy Genius says, I am going to have “big black trash bag energy”.
What are your goals this month? How have you done?
Hello and Happy Monday! I am linking up with Holly and Sarah today. I guess I am falling back into my normal posting routine. I appreciate what many of you said about comments. It feels like a lot to respond right now but I do read and appreciate each and every one of them.
I can’t believe that my mom has been gone for three weeks now. I am expecting grace and getting grace right now. I have my moments. I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed. This isn’t my first rodeo, unfortunately, with losing a parent. When my Dad passed away, though, my mom took care of most of the business of his passing without involving us. Now that I am doing it, I have respect for her strength and ability to do what she did.
There’s no way to transition to me drinking a sangria so I won’t even try! My friend Beth (I have multiple friends Beth – lol – and multiple Elizabeths!) and I started at Osteria for the Galentine’s event at a nearby shopping center. We both thought the sangria sounded good. We had about an hour to chat and eat this wonderful whipped goat cheese with jam…
before two of her friends arrived. I had met one of them before but quickly liked the other one, too.
Each store was having Valentine’s snacks or specials and Beth was most excited for the doggie bakery.
We got to hold 6 week old chow mix puppies!
We went into two boutiques and I found an Umgee dress that is new for spring.
I also found these earrings that can work for Derby events. I wore them on Friday, too.
It was fun to get out Thursday night!
Friday I wore this and got lots of compliments. People are being extra nice to me right now, though. Lol.
I brought a pan of buffalo chicken mac and cheese to school that Elizabeth made me to share with my department and the sweet PE teacher had left the most delicious chocolate chip butter cake on my desk. So we had quite the feast in my little wing.
I went home after school. Shortly after, Tom came home with some chocolate for me.
We were originally going to go to Fresh Market and pick some gourmet ready made foods, but when I told Tom we were going with Totino’s for him and Good and Gather for me he got that spark in his eyes just like when he first saw me.
The man loves a Totino’s pizza and staying home even more.
I woke up Saturday with a pit in my stomach. Tom and I had to go to my hometown to take care of some things. The weather was horrible but at least the rain held off for both the drive there and back. There was so much eerie fog, though. One sister lives 2 hours away and one lives 3.5 hours away and I volunteered to take care of stuff before we all meet again at my mom’s house.
We had a romantic day late Valentine’s date at the little burger shop called Hinkle’s…
I got through the trip with Tom’s help.
The rain started coming down when we got back around dinner time and it didn’t stop until yesterday morning when it turned into snow! It was big beautiful fluffy flakes, but I am over winter! That rodent who predicted 6 more weeks of winter can stick it where the sun don’t shine!
Ok, it’s kind of pretty and it gave me an excuse to not leave the house. Well, I did do a giant Kroger pick up because I think it had been since January 25 or so since I had gone.
I did my laundry and I thought I would show you my view of my three Halaras ready to go!
When I did the Kroger pick up, I saw those little devils pushing their product in the store lobby. I went to the ATM and got cash and went inside to get them for Tom. Now, that is love. They don’t really tempt me anymore.
Is it just me or are they really not as good as they used to be?
Tom and I watched Fly Me to the Moon and that’s about it for my day yesterday.
Happy Valentine’s Day! I am linking up with Andrea and Erika. It doesn’t seem like Valentine’s Day. I’m in a weird head space regarding the calendar to be honest.
Normally I would have done a small gift for my kids and a card for Tom but this year I am probably doing nothing. It snuck up on me. We will do some sort of takeout and include anyone who is home with us. I also didn’t get to do the V Day activity in class that I normally do. With me being gone 6 days and the kids being at home 3 days, the time just got away from us.
This week I worked online from home on Monday and Tuesday and then we had in person school Wednesday through today.
Monday was a good day because I was productive and got some things done with my mom’s estate. I was also social. Tuesday I just fell into a funk. I did my job – had a Zoom meeting, made assignments, communicated with students – but I just felt overwhelmed and sad. I realize this is probably the way it will be – some good, some bad – giving myself lots of grace.
At then end of January, I put out my simple V Day decor. I didn’t buy anything new.
I am glad I didn’t buy any new V Day clothing. I did wear this to school this week and two other things with hearts on them. I wore the C’est la vie t-shirt I showed in Fashion Files Wednesday because it has a heart, this on Thursday, and today I am wearing the big red heart sweater I have had for a long time.
I got really excited when I heard this news! I do think 5 Star Weekend was my favorite Elin Hilderbrand book.
I would like to do my own 5 star weekend with girls I have known at different stages of my life. Wouldn’t that be kind of cool?
I watched this silly movie on one of my at home days this week and lol’ed a couple of times.
My mom loved this simple meal of macaroni noodles and tomato sauce. I made it for her when she stayed at my house during my Dad’s 7 week hospital stay and I made it for her at her house after her stroke. One of my sisters made it this weekend and sent a photo and then I made it Tuesday.
God knows what you need, isn’t that right? My school district closed on Friday and Monday for the flu and then closed on Tuesday for the snow. I needed those two days to get my life together. When my Dad passed I had the luxury of two weeks of winter break following his funeral. So, I wanted to get back to my students but at the same time I felt like it was a blessing to have a bit more time. Here was our little Tuesday snow. It didn’t amount to much and the roads were fine.
I finished this and highly recommend to anyone who has lost an important person in their life. It’s just $10 on Amazon.
Monday during my work from home day I went out to lunch with Erica and had a nice soup and salad combo.
And, after work Monday I went to happy hour with Heather and we discussed the book I mentioned above. She is the one who gave it to me and recently lost her father.
My sisters and I left my mom’s house in perfect order but they agreed that I should take the English cork bottom placemats I got my mom after our trip. I got her four and my mom loved them so much that she ordered four more. I was going to order a set for myself but never did. Right now I have too many on this table, but I will either give four to one sister or move half to my other table.
I think each of my sisters took a small decor item, too, but I can’t remember.
I decided my Sambas were just about half size too small and gave them to niece Mia who has small feet. She sent me a picture of her wearing them to school on Monday. I love that it made her happy.
My friend Beth brought over these gorgeous cupcakes before I left for the funeral.
She also made a card with two pennies. I was so touched.
I got this book from the library but I am not sure I can read it…
Someone did this to the entire book. It gets worse. They drew arrows on many of the pages, too. What on Earth is wrong with people?
We got a Christmas card that had a snowflake that said it was a plant or could be a plant. Tom’s little project:
He moves his little sproutlings around to find the sun and is quite determined. Weird dude. Just kidding!
I feel like this Friday Favorites post was all over the place and my emotions were, too.
I am struggling to respond to comments but just know I appreciate each and every one. And, thank you to my dear reader Sally! A more formal thank you is coming.
I hope you feel some type of love today – self-love, familial love, friend love, or partner love. That sounds weird. Oh well… I think you know what I mean!
This was an impulse purchase! I clicked on a blogger’s link to her pair in black and tan and saw that the green was seriously discounted. I like green!
I wore them this past weekend with my old Loft green and white button up.
I am still on a big graphic tee kick. I was really into them last spring, summer, and fall. I bought a new “That’s Life” in French from Old Navy and wore it to dinner this weekend like this:
During the day for errands, I wore it with my corduroy Paris hat:
I had to “boots and bling’ for hub’s company party and I had everything already in my closet!
I wore old Target suede Western-ish boots that I bought in both tan and black, my Old Navy silver sequin skirt that I also bought in black, my Chico’s black silk button up, and an old fringey sweater vest from TJ Maxx. My earrings are sparkly bourbon bottles that have silver and black in them.
Forgot to take a full length photo but I wore my black sweater poncho with this cool necklace on Friday:
I love this necklace and have had it for years.
Monday for work I wore the black Halaras, Adidas Stan Smith with gold on the heel, and old blue Umgee blouse, and a Walmart lady sweater jacket. I really never had the sweater jacket on during the day because I would have been too hot.
And, the next day is when my world turned upside down. My sisters and I found out our mom had passed. We were in our hometown all day Wednesday and Thursday and my sisters wanted to look for a visitation and funeral outfit. I had plenty I could wear and here is where having a solid wardrobe comes in handy. I went shopping with them and helped them. When I was home over the weekend I went to a consignment store just to see what else I could find.
Here is what I ended up wearing for the visitation:
I had bought the dress at the warehouse sale recently for $15. The weather turned pretty warm and I switched last minute from my pants outfit. The dress was cool, flowy, and had pockets. The shoes were J.Jill from the consignment store and frankly they are sitting shoes. I had to swap out for my silk ballet flats after a bit.
I also stopped in Versona and picked up these pretty designer look earrings for only $12.
For the funeral, I wore another pair of consignment Bandolino heels I found, a Chico’s dressy coat, and an Umgee dress. My mom would have been thrilled at me finding all of this at a consignment store. She taught us to bargain shop!
I am laughing my head off about a new trend I heard about! Have you heard of “Fisherman Core”?
1. Did you watch the Super Bowl? Did your team win? What’s your favorite game day snack for whatever sport is happening?
I don’t know if I have ever cared less than I cared this year. I usually at least enjoy the halftime show and the commercials. I did like the red, white, and blue of the halftime show but I felt very old since I did not enjoy the music. My Facebook feed was blowing up with people talking about how bad the half time show was and other people saying they just didn’t get it.
2. What’s your ‘superpower’?
Right now, according to my sisters, it’s talking on the phone and talking care of business. I reported to them what I got done on Monday and one sister said, “that’s what I would’ve taken a month to do”.
3. Will you do anything special on Valentine’s Day? If so do share. Any thoughts on/about this particular holiday? Share a favorite verse or quote relating to love.
Valentine’s decor on a rainy night in my hometown:
It’s too late to make a reservation so we will eat at home. I am thinking of picking up gourmet grocery items for Tom of things he enjoys. I think I will be fine to stay home. I don’t love being out on Valentine’s Day with all the people, anyway. With it falling on a Friday – even worse. I was originally going to cook and that might still happen. I am giving myself grace, for sure. We will not do gifts. I want us to buy each other a new set of nightstands for our bedroom that we finally agreed upon. We also found a console and we need a new flat screen. We have been looking and waiting since 2020! We moved into our bedroom and just lived with our old stuff.
4. Are you a fan of the rom-com genre? If so what’s one of your favorites? If you’re not a movie go-er then what about a book you love that features a great love story? How about a favorite love song?
I love a rom-com! How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a favorite!
My original fam sporting our 80s attire and hair:
5. Let’s get creative…write an acrostic using the word L-O-V-E.
L – laughter that fills my cup. Tom is one of the funniest people I know and we share the same sense of humor.
0 – opportunities to show my love for the people in my life
V – velvet – red velvet – is a favorite Valentine’s Day flavor
E – Eddie Otis – my brain is blank. I bought him a new toy called “Moo Cow” – Tom named it and he can find it when we ask for Moo Cow. He looks so funny running around with the cows long legs dangling. I love that this dog loves his toys. He makes us laugh so much and he brings so much energy to our home. He can still be very naughty, though.
6. Insert your own random thought here.
I might invite a friend to go to this on Thursday. I love finding little events around town. If I do this on Thursday, I will be even more content to stay home on Friday.
My sister Kate stopped at Starbuck’s on her way to work yesterday and look what was on her cup…
Is this a sign? Signs are all around us if we are open to receive them according to the book I’ve been reading.
Both Kate and Molly had to go back to their teaching jobs yesterday. I had the privilege of online school from home due to widespread illness. I hate that we have so many sick but it was a nice way to ease back in for me.
Both Kate and Molly have become disgruntled with teaching and they are both in the elementary setting. I get it and I agree with them – maybe it’s because I am an elective in a high school and because I have been teaching for longer, but I am much happier in my job than they are. We had so many former students of my mom’s talk about her at the visitation and the funeral and this was Kate’s quote:
“Maybe this will reinvigorate my teaching after hearing all the nice things said about mom”.
What if? Wouldn’t that be nice because both sisters have so many years of teaching left before they can retire.
I have a suspicion that all three of us just put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be more than average teachers. My Dad always said that our 50% was someone else’s 100%. Yes, he was biased. He was thrilled that we were all teachers. I’m not sure why but he really loved this. He wanted us to have families, too, and I think he thought it was family friendly. It’s very family friendly in the summer!
I sent this book to each of them and I hope they get the comfort I have gotten.
At the start of our preparations together from the day after my mom passed I was using the word “gauche” and my sisters made fun of it. So, after that everything became “gauche”. I was using it to mean “tacky”.
So, this may be gauche to tell you, but we had a meeting with my mom’s financial planner and we had been hearing about him for years. My mom always said, “Nicholas says” I can buy this, spend this”. So, during our meeting we told Nicholas this and said we needed to make t-shirts that said that. The most recent “Nicholas says” was about which pie to pick out for Thanksgiving. My mom would group text us while we were teaching or very late at night. It became a family joke. My mom would text, “Nicholas says he will give me pumpkin, pecan, apple, or cherry. I need to know right now so I can tell him'”. My mom also liked to say she needed things RIGHT NOW and we channeled her RIGHT NOW energy so often over the past two weeks. We didn’t care which pie she picked, but she wanted us to be the ones to decide.
Nicholas brought us a homemade cheesecake with homemade vanilla the day after our meeting and the day of the visitation:
Maybe this is why my mom loved and trusted Nicholas so much. Does your financial planner make homemade vanilla and homemade cheesecake?
Food is always appreciated. Please bring it in a disposable container as Nicholas did. We did have to return a couple of things to people but it was ok. We couldn’t believe the stuff people brought us. We didn’t have to think about food once.
I have a very funny family and our family has funny friends. I think I place too high of a value on humor but I was born this way. My Dad thought everything I said was either funny or brilliant. I can assure that is not the case. So, both of my parents were funny, my sisters and I laugh so much together, and we have a new generation of funny kids – my kids are super funny and especially the teen nieces are really becoming funny. We also try to find the humor in everything and we make fun of too many things, I am sure.
A couple of stories…
We displayed several pieces of my mom’s art in the funeral home. During the receiving line of the visitation, a lady we have never met before was trying to make us a deal on buying some art work we had displayed. Molly said she said, “How does one go about purchasing a piece?” This ain’t no art gallery, lady! Gauche.
A lady slipped me an envelope at the funeral – like right before the service in the church.. I read it about 24 hours later and it said, “I recently paid your mom money for a trip we were going to take so if you could call the travel company and get the money back and send it to___ that would be appreciated. I am sorry you have to deal with this and with your loss”. I said maybe she needed the money and Heather said to at least wait until the day after the funeral. Gauche.
A few people in the receiving line asked us for details of how exactly our mom passed away. Gauche.
We realize that some of these people are old and they just say whatever.
People have been really kind, though. People in our hometown and people on the phone have been so nice and helpful.
I generally still think there are good people in the world.
I was not really sure where this was going but come back tomorrow for non-funeral content. I promise.
It is Saturday morning and I sit in my mom’s house typing. My family went home last night but I stayed and we have a house of my sisters, my brother-in-law, and four nieces, and three nephews. It’s a packed house.
I’ve been here since Wednesday morning. I’m ready to go home. But, I’m also not. Among the tears there has been so much joy and laughter. Seeing my mom’s legacy of family and friends, hearing stories, eating all the good food we have been showered with…I have felt so, so loved.
A funny photo we found….my mom and I getting our hair done on my wedding day. My whole bridal party was there and I have a feeling my dear cousin Kelly snapped this photo.
I love these girls. We all have the best parts of my mom in us.
A beautiful fruit tray for breakfast on the day of the funeral from my mom’s friends…
Hometown donuts that are the best from my mom’s friends…
Beautiful flowers from family and friends, my department at work, and Tom’s work family made us feel so loved…
We are all taking the ones home from our friends and then we are donating other arrangements to nursing homes with a program the funeral home has were they disassemble and make smaller vases for the residents of local nursing homes. My mom would like that. We found out there were a lot of acts of kindness that my mom did that she never told us about.
So, on Wednesday we met at my mom’s house and we spent the day doing tasks that needed to be done. I still can’t believe everything we were able to do – the business type stuff. I told my sisters we should go to a nice dinner that night before the families descended.
We drove downtown and our little hometown is all decorated for Valentine’s Day. The buildings are lined in white lights and they have these hearts on street lamps.
We had the nicest dinner at the new steak house on Main Street and split some dishes and a bottle of wine.
We talked about our mom, our memories, our goals, and all the things. I am so glad we took the time to do this. We went home and went to bed pretty early but none of us slept great.
We got up Thursday and I went and got us McDonald’s egg Mcmuffins. My mom always ordered hers without the egg so I guess she just got a Mcmuffin. We always thought that was so funny. We started doing all the things – cleaned the house, steamed clothes, and I made phone calls. There are a lot of phone calls to be made. My sisters said they would rather clean toilets than make phone calls and I said I would much rather make phone calls. We have talked a lot about what our skill sets are and tried to use those to our advantage throughout this time.
Our mom got things done. We know that she was with us in spirit because if I told you how many things we did from Wednesday to Thursday you would probably not believe me. We didn’t fight. I actually don’t remember us really fighting? What a testament to my parents that they raised us to not only be good humans (I hope!) but also good sisters. They didn’t compare us or pit us against each other and I don’t remember feeling like it was a competition. I think they saw us as individuals with different strengths and interests. They also were always very fair and equal.
Around noon, the masses started arriving…
First came Kate’s family – her three kids and her boyfriend. He brought the kids and he is wonderful. It was nice to hug some nieces and nephews. Then came Molly’s family and again it was nice to have all the nieces and nephews in the house. So, that was 7 kids. Then, we started getting ready and my family arrived. Now we had 9 kids in the house. We all left dogs at home with dog sitters. I was worried about how sad the kids would be arriving at the house for the first time without Grandma there.
Family friends had brought us lunch and we had chicken pot pie, pulled pork, slaw, chicken salad, chips, and more and everyone ate something.
We went to the funeral home for the visitation and saw the slide show they put together and the pastor led us in a prayer. The funeral home director gave us an hour in the room before the public was allowed to come in. We had displayed my mom’s artwork of several different types, a photo album of her window dressing at Marshall Fields in Chicago (a job she did for about a year in the late 1960s), photographs, and we also had a box of notecards she had made with her artwork on them. We asked people to take one. I got very emotional seeing all the flowers from the people in my life and from Tom’s work. It was hard to see my mom but for many it gives closure but you also have to think – do you want closure? You want to remember the person alive and vibrant.
We did a receiving line (is that the word for this situation?) in birth order – me, Kate, Molly – I was touched that the nieces came and stood by their moms for much of the time. Those girls are poised, mature, funny, and smart. That line did not stop for about two hours – a testament to my mom. My mom had current friends, former colleagues, former students, and family come through. We heard time and time again of kindnesses my mom had shown them or ways in which she influenced them. And, I had high school friends and current friends that drove hours to come. Tom had a work friend and wife who came. We were an hour from our current home, too. So, this is something I won’t forget. My high school boyfriend and his mom came! Ha – but they live in town. My favorite high school teacher came. For the third hour, we were able to get out of line and mingle a little more. But, so many people came. I don’t have the register back yet to know how many, but it was a lot.
And, then, get this – the funeral home people took all the young grandkids to Dairy Queen in a limo. They dropped them off at the house for us!
We were so beat after the visitation and our legs and feet hurt so bad. My sisters and I said so many people touched us and got in our faces. Yes, there were many close talkers. (Seinfeld reference) I found out my school went to online for Friday and Monday because of widespread illness – flu I guess! We had lots of food at the house but Jack and I thought pizza would be nice so we ordered pizza for everyone and it was a hit. We stood around the kitchen and talked and ate. I got a hotel room across the street for my family just so we could spread out more. So, we left and everyone crashed at the house, too.
I didn’t sleep well and got up early to get back to the house. My mom’s friends were providing breakfast so I wanted to be there. Also, we had to be at the church at 9:30. It ended up being a pretty hectic morning of getting everyone fed, dressed, hair and makeup – I had to do two heads of hair besides my own and we had four girls squeezed together in one bathroom. We made it on time and had another hour of visitation in the church sanctuary and so many more people came that hadn’t come the night before. The church was packed when the service began at 11:00. The service was emotional and my niece Mia spoke some eloquent words and my sister Kate wrote the eulogy. I was so proud of her for being able to stay composed. I could not have done that. Because her eulogy was so personal it made me cry and even more. She is giving us all a copy and I may share it hear for anyone interested. I wrote my mom a poem 30 years ago and she had told me it would be part of her funeral and it was printed in the visitation card. Maybe I should have read it, too, but I don’t think I could have.
We then had the processional to the veteran’s cemetery and the family was in two limos. We had a short service there and one of the funeral directors also went to church with my mom and dad and he shared some personal and special words and got choked up. He gave the three daughters roses from the casket spray. He then gave all the grandkids one type of rose and all the extended family another type.
The family was the last to leave and some of the grandkids wanted to say things to their Grandma. Kate, Molly, and I had done this the night before just the three of us too.
We were taken back to the church for fried chicken and all the casseroles you could ever want. My mom loved a casserole. “Casserole Carole” was one nickname! I tried to sit and eat but I felt like I also needed to make my way around. I tried to talk to the people who wouldn’t be coming back to the house.
We told anyone that wanted to come back to the house to come and it was really nice. Even though we were tired, it was great to put out some cheese and crackers, cookies, and drinks. Our neighbor at our house growing up brought wine and treats, my bestie Heather brought a charcuterie board, and we had some other stuff we had brought. We sat around from 2:00 to maybe 7:00 and even had a little music. Our friend’s son is a banjo prodigy and he played for us. Tom loved it! Our niece Mia played Amazing Grace on sax.
We shared stories and laughed a lot. We realized the banjo player had chosen my mom’s favorite spot on her couch and she would have loved this.
Around 7:00, my family – Tom and kids – went home to relieve the dog sitter. I stayed but everyone was really so tired at this point that we were all ready to shower and crash. I slept on a couch in the basement with the teen girls but I didn’t sleep much. I was up at 5 am and started this post!
I am now finishing it on Sunday morning at my house…
So, Molly got up around 6:30 and wanted to go get coffee. She and I left and sat inside Dunkin’ and talked for about an hour. We went back and started the job of cleaning up and getting ready to pack up. Everyone else started getting up and we sat around and talked and laughed for a bit. Then, we got everything cleaned and packed and all left for home around noon. My sisters and I felt the same – we desperately wanted to be in our homes, but we also didn’t want to leave.
Kate and Molly have to go back to teaching Monday. I have a day of online teaching from home and we also have some snow coming in on Tuesday. We have a house to manage in a town we no longer live in. There’s a lot to do. It’s pretty overwhelming.
I drove back alone and cried most of the way. I didn’t talk on the phone or listen to anything – no music and no podcasts – for most of the ride. I also thought I could fall asleep driving I was so tired. But, I made it. Tom met me at the door and helped me unload. I unpacked and napped and then we actually went to a 50th birthday party for a bit because I was reminded that you show up for the people you care about. We came home and I crashed hard and slept 8 hours with only one wake up.
I’m sad. I know different things will hit me at different times. Our houses are full of stuff from my mom. She was a gift giver. Everything on my walls is from my mom practically. She loved to frame things for us. Also, losing your second parent feels like too much. Parents are always there for us. They are a safety net. As the oldest, I feel responsible for my sisters and I always have, but now I really do.
If you are still here, I appreciate all your kind messages. I know many of you have been here in this same place in life. It sucks.
I am not quite sure where this post is going but I thought writing/typing might be therapeutic. It is Sunday morning and I’m at home and grateful for the gift of a good night’s sleep. Tom and the beast (chocolate lab puppy) are on a hopefully long walk, Mason is asleep, and Jack is at church singing.
First off, let me say thank you for your kind words. I was receiving them on my phone Wednesday through my blog app (and still am receiving them) and I felt loved and supported.
I was at school teaching last Tuesday and got a phone call around 1:30 that my mom had passed away at her home. Kate (the middle sister) had Molly on the phone at the same time and was able to tell both of us. It may sound crazy when your mother is 82, but it was unexpected. So, shock was my first reaction. I had kids leaving at the bell while I was on the phone and new kids coming in. I was unable to get off the phone or really say anything. I think one of the students went and got Bill (neighbor Spanish teacher) and Erica (work bestie) and they led me into Bill’s room because he had planning and they took over for my class and made arrangements for my last class of the day, told the office, and all that stuff. I got off the phone with my sisters and called Tom and he said he would have Mason pick me up and he would meet me at the house. I said I could drive home. I also found out later that another teacher from the art department offered to drive me home.
The rest of the day was phone calls. I told my sisters to let me handle it so they could go home and tell their kids and make work arrangements and all of that stuff. I was on the phone from probably 1:30-6:00 but SIL Jessica and bff Heather stopped by to hug me. Tom just stayed in the room with Eddie Otis or got EO out of my hair when I was on the phone. My kids happened to both be home – one was a little sick – and they came up and comforted me and asked what needed to be done. One of them took care of dinner ordering and Tom picked it up I think. At 6:00 I took a shower and ate dinner and then didn’t sleep much at all.
Wednesday I went in to school to leave sub plans for the rest of the week. At this point we had no idea when the arrangements would be, but I knew I needed the rest of the week. I had colleagues who offered but I knew myself and knew I would feel better. I wrote Google Classroom messages telling the kids what was going on and I received nice emails from them. We have a pretty big flu outbreak going on right now, too. I have had lots email me that they are sick, too.
My sisters and I had made plans to meet at my mom’s house around noon Wednesday and that no one should go in alone.
Kate is turning 50 soon and is an elementary art teacher in Columbus, OH. She has a 19, 17, and 11 year old. She has about a 3.5 hour drive.
Molly is 47 and is a first grade teacher in an Indianapolis suburb and has 18 year old twins, a 14 year old, and a 10 year old. She has about a 2 hour drive.
I am the oldest at 53 and live about an hour away.
This is where it’s really hard to be a teacher. It just is.
There was some debate about going immediately on Tuesday but after making phone calls we determined that it would be better to get our work and family ducks in a row and meet there the next day. Tom had offered to go with me to check everything out but we decided it was ok. Maybe we should have? I don’t know.
We also decided it would just be the three of us.
I’m not going to lie. My drive there was rough. Heather met me at Starbuck’s to give me muffins. It was nice to see her before I drove. I cried off and on and I’m sure some thought I was driving impaired. Well, I was!
My little hometown has utility boxes covered with art work. My mom was so proud to have her art work on one and it’s right when you cross into Indiana from the bridge over the Ohio. Wahhhh. It made me cry again. I felt I needed to be in my hometown and with my sisters and I also felt that I needed to shield my sisters from some of the pain. I went to the funeral home and picked up my mom’s purse and cell phone. They had me sit at a table while they retrieved it. On the table was a bowl of my Dad’s signature Lifesavers mints. He kept a huge bowl next to his spot on the couch. My kids would leave their house with pockets full. My Dad has always shown up to us through finding these mints and through leaving us pennies.
I pulled into my parents’ house driveway to wait for Molly. This was not my childhood home. They moved from my childhood home in the same town when my twins were 3 so I guess that would be 19 years ago. My Dad passed away 6 years ago and my mom wanted to stay there. She could live on all on level pretty well and she really loved her “new house”.
Molly arrived and she and I went ahead in. Kate was running late but was fine with us going in. I’m not going to lie. It was hard. I won’t get too detailed, but my mom had her clothes laid out for the day and her jewelry laid out. She had her lipstick stained straw in take out cup that she loved. Well – she had one in her car, one in the fridge, and one on the coffee table. And, she loved buying and returning things. She had a TJ Maxx return in her car. I’m sorry – I did get too detailed.
Anyway, the house was in perfect order just as she liked. Molly and I found two pennies next to each other and I can’t tell you the comfort that brought me. I hope my Dad picked my Mom up.
I love this photo of them. I think they were in Hawaii during the Vietnam War when my Dad had some R and R time. They were already married at this time. I was born two years later, I believe.
So, Wednesday Kate arrived and we went through some papers together and then went to a very late lunch. We were happy to be together. We did a late night Kohl’s and TJ Maxx shopping trip that Mom would have loved! When we got home, we started going through old letters and found a really funny one my Dad wrote my Mom. Wednesday night we found a travel video on DVD my Dad had shot from a trip in 2012 on a European riverboat cruise and it was fun to hear my Dad’s voice.
Kate didn’t sleep at all that night and Molly and I slept a little.
Thursday morning I got up at 6:00 and started going through all the photo albums. When Kate and Molly got up we had to pick out an outfit for my mom and finalize the photos we needed for the slide show. We went and got breakfast at a drive thru and did a Kohl’s and TJ Maxx return and then went to the funeral home for our appointment.
My mom basically had everything planned for us. It was paid for, too. We only had to fill in some blanks. She had the obituary mostly written. She had already given photos to them for the slide show. This is the ultimate act of love. We also started seeing signs that maybe she had a feeling it was close to her time.
The pastor came to the funeral home so we didn’t have to go to him. She even had her hymns picked out.
We set the visitation for a week away and the funeral for the day after. We thought Thursday and Friday would help some people from out of town, too.
My mom’s best friend took us to lunch and it was so nice. We shared stories and we think it helped her, too. They had been friends since 1977.
We did a few more tasks after lunch and then I left that evening to go home. My sisters stayed and left early the next morning.
So, we have all had the weekend to tend to the stuff at home, the clothes, getting dog sitters, and all the other details.
Coffee and Cocktails at the Casa 