Monday, February 3, 2025
My mom and grandmother:
I am not quite sure where this post is going but I thought writing/typing might be therapeutic. It is Sunday morning and I’m at home and grateful for the gift of a good night’s sleep. Tom and the beast (chocolate lab puppy) are on a hopefully long walk, Mason is asleep, and Jack is at church singing.
First off, let me say thank you for your kind words. I was receiving them on my phone Wednesday through my blog app (and still am receiving them) and I felt loved and supported.
I was at school teaching last Tuesday and got a phone call around 1:30 that my mom had passed away at her home. Kate (the middle sister) had Molly on the phone at the same time and was able to tell both of us. It may sound crazy when your mother is 82, but it was unexpected. So, shock was my first reaction. I had kids leaving at the bell while I was on the phone and new kids coming in. I was unable to get off the phone or really say anything. I think one of the students went and got Bill (neighbor Spanish teacher) and Erica (work bestie) and they led me into Bill’s room because he had planning and they took over for my class and made arrangements for my last class of the day, told the office, and all that stuff. I got off the phone with my sisters and called Tom and he said he would have Mason pick me up and he would meet me at the house. I said I could drive home. I also found out later that another teacher from the art department offered to drive me home.
The rest of the day was phone calls. I told my sisters to let me handle it so they could go home and tell their kids and make work arrangements and all of that stuff. I was on the phone from probably 1:30-6:00 but SIL Jessica and bff Heather stopped by to hug me. Tom just stayed in the room with Eddie Otis or got EO out of my hair when I was on the phone. My kids happened to both be home – one was a little sick – and they came up and comforted me and asked what needed to be done. One of them took care of dinner ordering and Tom picked it up I think. At 6:00 I took a shower and ate dinner and then didn’t sleep much at all.
Wednesday I went in to school to leave sub plans for the rest of the week. At this point we had no idea when the arrangements would be, but I knew I needed the rest of the week. I had colleagues who offered but I knew myself and knew I would feel better. I wrote Google Classroom messages telling the kids what was going on and I received nice emails from them. We have a pretty big flu outbreak going on right now, too. I have had lots email me that they are sick, too.
My sisters and I had made plans to meet at my mom’s house around noon Wednesday and that no one should go in alone.
Kate is turning 50 soon and is an elementary art teacher in Columbus, OH. She has a 19, 17, and 11 year old. She has about a 3.5 hour drive.
Molly is 47 and is a first grade teacher in an Indianapolis suburb and has 18 year old twins, a 14 year old, and a 10 year old. She has about a 2 hour drive.
I am the oldest at 53 and live about an hour away.
This is where it’s really hard to be a teacher. It just is.
There was some debate about going immediately on Tuesday but after making phone calls we determined that it would be better to get our work and family ducks in a row and meet there the next day. Tom had offered to go with me to check everything out but we decided it was ok. Maybe we should have? I don’t know.
We also decided it would just be the three of us.
I’m not going to lie. My drive there was rough. Heather met me at Starbuck’s to give me muffins. It was nice to see her before I drove. I cried off and on and I’m sure some thought I was driving impaired. Well, I was!
My little hometown has utility boxes covered with art work. My mom was so proud to have her art work on one and it’s right when you cross into Indiana from the bridge over the Ohio. Wahhhh. It made me cry again. I felt I needed to be in my hometown and with my sisters and I also felt that I needed to shield my sisters from some of the pain. I went to the funeral home and picked up my mom’s purse and cell phone. They had me sit at a table while they retrieved it. On the table was a bowl of my Dad’s signature Lifesavers mints. He kept a huge bowl next to his spot on the couch. My kids would leave their house with pockets full. My Dad has always shown up to us through finding these mints and through leaving us pennies.
I pulled into my parents’ house driveway to wait for Molly. This was not my childhood home. They moved from my childhood home in the same town when my twins were 3 so I guess that would be 19 years ago. My Dad passed away 6 years ago and my mom wanted to stay there. She could live on all on level pretty well and she really loved her “new house”.
Molly arrived and she and I went ahead in. Kate was running late but was fine with us going in. I’m not going to lie. It was hard. I won’t get too detailed, but my mom had her clothes laid out for the day and her jewelry laid out. She had her lipstick stained straw in take out cup that she loved. Well – she had one in her car, one in the fridge, and one on the coffee table. And, she loved buying and returning things. She had a TJ Maxx return in her car. I’m sorry – I did get too detailed.
Anyway, the house was in perfect order just as she liked. Molly and I found two pennies next to each other and I can’t tell you the comfort that brought me. I hope my Dad picked my Mom up.
I love this photo of them. I think they were in Hawaii during the Vietnam War when my Dad had some R and R time. They were already married at this time. I was born two years later, I believe.
So, Wednesday Kate arrived and we went through some papers together and then went to a very late lunch. We were happy to be together. We did a late night Kohl’s and TJ Maxx shopping trip that Mom would have loved! When we got home, we started going through old letters and found a really funny one my Dad wrote my Mom. Wednesday night we found a travel video on DVD my Dad had shot from a trip in 2012 on a European riverboat cruise and it was fun to hear my Dad’s voice.
Kate didn’t sleep at all that night and Molly and I slept a little.
Thursday morning I got up at 6:00 and started going through all the photo albums. When Kate and Molly got up we had to pick out an outfit for my mom and finalize the photos we needed for the slide show. We went and got breakfast at a drive thru and did a Kohl’s and TJ Maxx return and then went to the funeral home for our appointment.
My mom basically had everything planned for us. It was paid for, too. We only had to fill in some blanks. She had the obituary mostly written. She had already given photos to them for the slide show. This is the ultimate act of love. We also started seeing signs that maybe she had a feeling it was close to her time.
The pastor came to the funeral home so we didn’t have to go to him. She even had her hymns picked out.
We set the visitation for a week away and the funeral for the day after. We thought Thursday and Friday would help some people from out of town, too.
My mom’s best friend took us to lunch and it was so nice. We shared stories and we think it helped her, too. They had been friends since 1977.
We did a few more tasks after lunch and then I left that evening to go home. My sisters stayed and left early the next morning.
So, we have all had the weekend to tend to the stuff at home, the clothes, getting dog sitters, and all the other details.
If anyone wants to read:
https://www.morgan-nay.com/obituary/carole-williams
I probably won’t see you here for a bit.
Thank you all,
Amy
Coffee and Cocktails at the Casa 
I’m glad that you have been surrounded by lots of support and have felt loved during this very difficult time. Thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
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Thank you Maria.
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Continue to take care of yourself. It sounds like being with your sisters is great therapy for all of you. Praying and sending comforting thoughts your way.
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Thank you.
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You all have been in my thoughts and prayers. I’m so glad you have such wonderful family support and home and with your sisters. I know this is such a difficult time. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do to move through this season of life. The mints and the two pennies…so meaningful and comforting ❤️
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Thank you Jen.
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Oh Amy is so lovely to read about the community of support you have around you from everyone at work (students included!) to your friends and family. I love those little signs of your dad and hope you can take some comfort in the thought that they are together again. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
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Thank you Joanne. I’m nervous about keeping it together at school today. My sister Kate is going back too and said it will be good to get the initial seeing people after again over with – if that makes sense.
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What a beautiful tribute to your mom- it is wonderful to learn that you and your sisters followed in her footsteps. Sending you strength this week XO
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My heart aches for you and your sisters. I loved reading her obit and that she had most of the funeral plans already made. I agree that it’s a wonderful final act of love to do that for your kids. It makes me think ahead to doing that for myself in case something were to happen to me, especially now that I’m on my own. I may take care of this soon with the attorney I used to work for; he’s an estate attorney. I love you, friend, and will continue to pray for you as you work today. I think it’ll be good for you to be there, and it’s okay to cry some in front of others; I found that people understood when I did that. Thank you for sharing with us here today.
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You are so right about taking care of this for your kids and smart to do it while you are working with an attorney anyway.
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Thanks Amy for sharing this with us. What a gift that she had so much planned and the pennies you saw during a hard week to bring you a smile. You are so loved and I am glad you are surrounded by that through your family and friends!
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I am so sorry about your mom! It sounds like you have some amazing support around you. Thinking of you and your family.
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I continue to pray for your comfort.
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I am so very sorry for your loss. The loss of a parent is just awful, surreal, and nothing prepares you for it. It was an act of love for your mom to have things organized and planned. You and your family are in my prayers and all of us here will be thinking of you.
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Thinking of you! I miss reading your posts.
Take Care!
Missy
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Thank you for the update. Continued prayers for you and your family. You are so strong and loved. It’s wonderful to have such a good family and friends. Hugs.
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Wish I could give you a big hug in real life, Amy. 😞❤️ I’m so glad you have your sisters to help you. Praying for you and all of your family. ❤️🙏
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I’m so glad you have a wonderful support network to help with all you are feeling and facing. I’m sure heading back to school is hard, and it’s emotional seeing people in person with all your feelings so raw still. Give yourself lots of grace these next few months. What a legacy of teachers your family has. Thinking of you and keeping you and your sisters and families in my prayers.
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Dear Amy.
I’m a longtime reader, but I don’t think I’ve commented before. I am very sorry for your loss. I pray that God lovingly receives your mother and grants to her her eternal reward, remembering all the good she has done. Your post was a beautiful tribute, and that picture of your parents is so glamorous; they made a l a lovely couple. I read the obituary, too, and smiled when I saw that they married on July 3, 1965. My parents also married that day. Thank you for sharing your mom and dad with us.
Kate
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Sending you prayers and hugs as you navigate this difficult time in your life. Having everything prepared IS THE ultimate gift of love. When i read that, i couldn’t have agreed more. Just be there for each other. Xo 😘
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Thank you for sharing such a beautifully written and personal story. Wishing you peace and strength as you navigate through it.
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It’s such a gift to be surrounded by family and supportive people in hard times. I’m so glad that is the case for you. You are in my thoughts! In Sweden we have an expression called “Styrkekramar”, roughly translated to Strength Hugs, and that’s what I’m sending to you.
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I love strength hugs!!!!
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❤ and I just sent you a bunch of them! ❤
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Amy, I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful mom. I agree that taking care of the arrangements was an act of love. And, what a wonderful life she led! Teaching really does run in your family! And the tributes in her guest book from former students show how special she was and how she touched their lives. I wish you and your family much peace and comfort at this time.
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I am so sorry for your loss! It must have been a terrible shock getting that phone call. Take care, I am thinking of you and your family.
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Sending you care and supportive vibes.
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I have been thinking of you, and I’m so glad that you had your sisters with you at your mom’s house and at the funeral home. What a blessing that your mother planned everything out. I remember how hard it was to miss work as a teacher. I’m praying for you and your family.
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I have thought about you so much these last few days. My heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my mama many years ago. Continued prayers for all of you.
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Amy, you and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I’m so glad you have this community of love and support. I think it’s wonderful your students (past and present) are a part of that community. When my mom died, she’d paid for everything. We only had to pick out music and flowers. It’s truly a final act of love. I will continue to hold you in my prayers.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
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Oh, Amy, I’m so sorry for your loss, and my heart is sad for you. It’s such a tough time, and no matter how old your mum was or even if you knew she was sick, it’s always a shock when you lose them. I wish I could give you a big hug, but please know I’ll be praying for you and your family. I believe your dad has picked her up, and they’re together now forever. The pennies are proof. Sending much love xx
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You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, Amy! As I read your post and then your mom’s obituary I was struck by the legacy your parents left for you and your sisters. Their lives and hearts were filled with service and it seems that they passed these gifts on to their girls. I imagined them smiling down on the three of you as you sat in their home, looking through photos and reminiscing. It’s a new reality to be in this world without either parent and I’m glad you have each other and your families.
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The joy and love emitting from your parent’s photo 💝
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I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your momma sounded like a great person, and it’s incredible that she already had everything planned out for her funeral for y’all… how kind and considerate of her. Sending lots of love to you and your family.
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